My one on one

The past three days have not been good days. I am not sure what is wrong but I am sad. Like "nerves" sad. I have been bawly, shakey, and just plain down-in-the-dumps sad.

I tired of being happy for everyone, I am tired of smiling all the time, and I am super tired of being jovial to co-workers and others who I know don't like me. They make me feel on edge. I never know what they are going to say or how they are going to say it. I am tired of trying to accomodate people when they don't do it in return. I am sick of fighting with Legs. I am tired of being the "shrink" for certain people (they know who they are). I am just tired....

Yesterday was extremely bad. I went out to see the horses and as soon as I saw my ole man Bosley, I started to cry...and he just stood there and let me. After I had my little session, I then cleaned and trimmed everyone's feet, groomed everybody, then went back to town to my stupid one bedroom hole and stayed there the whole day. The good thing about that is that I stayed busy. The apartment is spotless and the laundry is done!

My cousin then called and as soon as she asked how things were going, I once again started to bawl. She was silent. I have never done that to her before and feel bad now that it happened. I just couldn't stop myself. I told her that there are days I wish I was with Grama and Grapa. That scared her. I didn't mean for her to be nervous about that. Its just that Heaven is a place where there is Peace, tranquility, happiness. No crap there. Plain and simple!

Today, I still feel down but am not bawly. I took my shakey pill again today and it seems to be helping. I'm just so sad. Like the type of sad when someone passes.

Tomorrow is Volunteer Appreciation Day here at work. I gotta snap outta this funk.

Maybe I will pick up tomorrow....I mean it is still only Monday morning.....maybe I shoulda went to church yesterday....nah....I got my one on one while I was with Bosley......maybe tomorrow will be better.