I tried...I really did.
I can't go home this weekend.
I have decided to take advantage of my certificates....the certificates that I have held for so many years...
I have found the one place I think will fit.

I got my pay check yesterday and have come to the conclusion that salary plus commission is not all it cracked up to be. I busted my butt for the last month an a half and I was shocked when I got my pay check.  Not only that but on commission you never know from one day to the next if your even gonna sell anything...and there is a company car here for use with one exception...I can't use it!?  As sales consultant, I have to drive to a couple of different towns...gas went up as well to $1.16/litre...so my travel time will be cut short. How am I to make sales if I can't get anything sold??      

 I don't know either.

I was offered a job yesterday for more pay and one that will be offering a consistent paycheck..no guess work.  It also involves something that I love to do which is cook, bake and decorate!...and Gordon Ramsay. 

I am giving it the weekend to think about this new job offer, since I am not going home due to the lack of funds from the pay at my recent job.  I was disappointed as was my mom.  I have called the realtor and she is going over to my Uncles to assess the house.

In the meantime....I am heading over this afternoon to take another stab at cake decorating, baking and chocolate cigar wrapping...

A play

THis week is a big one. The Board at my old job goes in for their meeting about the two people I hate for bullying me and harassing me at work. I have give all documentation, a list of laws from the Canadian Standards Board and just two days ago, received yet another email about the slander that is still going on there about me. I was wild. I emailed the one board member who has known about this for awhile now and told her about the email I just got and told her that if she didn't nip the talk about me in the bud, I would take them to court for slander. I'm done with this crap. I last went to ex-work January 7th. It is now end of March and Im still the talk of the theatre. I have been ousted from my presidency on one board...the Gala. I have been ever so nicely asked to leave my baby - The Players. My best friend co-wrote a play that I was dying to do - to direct, and now can no longer direct it. I'm heatbroken....sad and oh so disappointed. And really, really pissed off....the line was crossed. The board member who made that all possible is the one who continues to cover for the bullies. Do people not think that I still have friends there who tell me all of this? People are so stupid...you can't fix stupid folks.

Only Child Syndrome

Only Child Syndrome has graced my presence again. I hate it. I have no one to talked to. I don't want to stress out my mom, with her health still not great. I don't want to talk to my cousin cuz...well I just don't want to. I don't want to talk to my aunt even though she is a wise woman, well its just still not the same, still not my mom. Turns out that if I try to talk to Buster, the person I should be able to talk to about anything...well, it turns out I can't. I end up getting yelled at and and called a nag.

Trying to talk to him is like trying to talk a jumper jumping off a building but he's already jumped...useless. I am frustrated and extremely disappointed and in turn have been deemed a nag!! A nag?! Thanks...all because I want to know if one of my conditions to this relationship has been dumped. One of the conditions is to eventually get my horses back.


I am extremely disappointed.

I fucking hate being an only child.

No name

I've sent in my resume to I don't know how many people. My tranny on the escape has decided to give me grief - thank you warranty! My mother is having open heart surgery on what looks like now Tuesday, my horse died, and now my dog broke her leg. Is this my fault I ask?

Is any of this my fault? Bad karma maybe but never asked for. Im sick to fucking death of trying to please every one and trying to be the good guy. Im sick to death of others shit attitute. Hey, I'm just trying to get through one more fucking day. Get off my back, treat me with some respect. If I'm such a pain in the ass then let me know so I can fix that. If I'm such a miserable SOB to work with then let me know so I can fix that. If I'm such an idiot, then let me know so I can fix that..don't know if that can be fixed...? If I'm not pulling my weight or if I am being a burden then by all means, let me fix that.

The boss says Fairy, take the day off tomorrow and get your self together. Really? What more can I possible get together? No matter what I touch, no matter what I say or feel, I am falling apart and no happy pill in the world is gonna help me get back together.



I'm sick of having others have a shit day or shit news and treating me like this is all my doing. I'm sick of travelling with moody road partners, I'm sick of being told what is mine and what isn't . I'm sick, fed up and have had it. I double dog dare just one more person to make my day a disaster with their attitude or crap words. I demand respect and kindness. I want it and I want it from now on. Period.

I'm stressed out, a nervous wreck and ready to fly....so DON'T piss me off. I really, really, from the bottom of my heart, mean it.

..... and on top of it all...these feelings really scare the hell out of me.

Ten Commandments

I understand the ten commandments.

The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:2-17)
1	“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.
2	“You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments.
3	“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
4	“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.
5	“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
6	“You shall not murder.
7	“You shall not commit adultery.
8	“You shall not steal.
9	“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
10	“You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's

Does this cover not having any chocolate, potato chips, candy or pop, popcorn with butter and salt, or an extra helping of potatoes and gravy ?

Something's Got to Give....

My days turn into evenings here at work...there has been a new GM, but nothing seems to be changing.

I'm burnt out, grouchy and have started to look for other job opportunities...it makes me so sad because I really do love my job. Last night I had yet another childhood dream fulfilled and knowing that this may never happen any more literally breaks my heart.

The GM is here, but seems to not be able to stand her ground in rule changes around here. She wants to impliment them but with such a strong presence around us, it seems like the light at the end of the tunnel grows farther and farther away. I am not sure how much more of these long, long days I can put in mentally and I know the new GM, won't stand for it. My worries are now that we seem to be at a stand still, she will quit.

I have my performance review on Monday and I am skeptical at this point that there will be changes. The GM knows where I am coming from but if I don't see changes to my work schedule and a raise then I really will have to put my nose to the grind and find another job...and that, I am not looking forward to.

Ugh.

What next!

Dear Buster,
I'm very frustrated this morning. I was frustrated last night already and it spilled over to today.

I don't get to see you for weeks, then the next thing I know is that the family gathering is without me I am ok with that. What I am not ok with is that you know where I am, you know what I am doing and that I am at home waiting for you all . Why can't you pack us both food and have supper with me, rather then me being on my own. If momma told you to jump off the bridge, would you do it? If I told you it was dangerous and not too, would you still listen to her? By the way things are looking, you would listen to her.

Which side you gonna play on?

Don't bring kiddo into this, you know better then that.

Which side you gonna play on?

Why can't you let Kiddo do whatever she needs to do there and you wait?

You want a family unit?

One last time...which side you gonna play on?

Mmmmm Bop - Brain song

The other day while I ws driving to work....1.5 hours one way...and I like the drive. I was thinking to myself....as I often do!

I would really like to hear Roger Miller sing Pendulum Swings...I had the urge to flip the station and holy crap! The song was playing.

Yesterday morning, I thought I would try it again. Mmmm Bop of all songs popped into my head and I turned the radio on and I scared myself...it ws playing.

Last night on the ride home, I thought I would get a chuckle and turn to Blue Collar Radio. Ron White would really pick me up. Good grief! He was on the radio talking about Marriage.

Three times it's happened.

The volume hasnt turned up on its own for quite some time now but I thought it was kinda cool how a song pops into mythoughts and be damned if it isn't on playing.

I am gonna try it again tonight when I head home from work...see what happens.

Weird!

What would your mother say....

I still can't believe that drama that went on Saturday night.

I had to work Saturday night because a very well known Canadian singer and his band were going to be here with proceeds going to a AAA Bantams Girls Hockey Team.

I arrived at 4pm and the band was to come in at 5:30.

Now, I can handle most things, but then after I have had enough, I start to get rude.

The band was to go on at 7:30pm. They wanted the cheque first and refused to go on until then. The girls hockey team played a game that night and the man who booked this lovely band was their head coach AND at the game. We had to track him down and he physically had to give them the cheque.....strike 1.

There were two groupie girls with them who felt the need to light up in the NON SMOKING ANYTHING room. Our stage manager went back stage and told them to butt out. Take the weed outside please...strike 2!

During intermission they had to be told yet again, take the weed outside to smoke....and where are and why are there bottlecaps littered everywhere back stage...do they know what a garbage can is for?...strike 3!

Well, after intermission was over, the house went back in and the audience waited in the dark for about 15 minutes....why?....Oh because Mr. Man had to finish smoking his "cigarette".

So while everyone was waiting in the dark for Mr. Smoke man to finish...the bottle caps continued to breed....everywhere you looked there was more!

After the show, my boss and I decided to go "clean" the green room. The relax room. The room was a mess....what was happening was Mr. Smoke man would open a bottle of beer, pop off the lid and let it fall where it may. That held true with the chips, the salsa, the fruit...they were pigs! The man and his band are pot heads and drunks. Needless to say, this is the last time they will perform for us.

While we were trying to clean it up, they milled around in the room....were they ever going to leave? They have hotel rooms....finally I had enough and my parting words to them were "ok guys, I love you dearly, but get out!"

What would Mr. Man's mom say if she knew this is how her son carried on? What would she say if she knew that this is how he does things?

He performed here about 4 years ago and from what our back stage crew said was that from then to now...he is a very different person.

I am very disappointed in the fact that I really liked this guys music. I enjoyed singing his song infront of a crowd at the "Back to You" pilot. I cranked the volume knob on the radio when he came on, but he and his band have ruined it for me.

Now, all I can think about are a bunch of primadonna's and their groupies, booze and drugs. Now, all I can think about is having to wait on this guy to finish his weed before he would go on leaving 500 plus people in the dark wondering where he was. Now, all I can think about is standing there by the table where he was signing autographs for happy people who think he is the greatest thing since sliced bread and all he and his band are, are stoners. That they have to perform on stage under the influence.

Ya, Jim Morrison and all those guys did it too...they are dead.


This is the third time I have been disappointed by a performer from what I have seen going on back stage.

I know there will be more.

Bleeding Green

I am trying to get all my ducks in a row. I am trying to get my Saskatchewan license turned into an Alberta one. I am trying to stop payments on my Sask. marker on the car and get all transferred to the Alberta car.

I may be eventually turning all I know into red but my heart and mind will always be GREEN!

Green, white, fight!

I feel like I am betraying my Province eventhough I will only be an hour away. I will be one hour closer to Edmontonstrous and an extra hour away from my beloved Toon Town.

I am kinda sad.

I'm not an Albertan, Im a Saskatchewanian!!

I always will be.

No matter what happens. When people ask where I live, I will tell them, but will always add " but I'm from the Saskatchewan/Manitoba border".


I will always bleed green.

Always.

The Play

The play rehearsals have started and are now in full swing. In community theatre, I find, and I have been involved with community theatre for years....eons...that you get people of all kinds. I mean, personalities, that you wonder just where have they been hiding all this time? Community Theatre involves people, ordinary everyday people with a love for the stage or some aspects of it.

The cast for this play is phenominal.

I see heart, and dedication, and I see them trying their best to perfect the English accent. I see history on the Baskerville Story being read up on and history on the year it was done.

This is the reason I love Community Theatre over Professional. To the Community Theatre People its a passion that never tires. Since I started working at this performing arts centre, I have seen many professionals paste their smile(s) on, with Community Theatre, its genuine.....thats why Community Theatre is so important. It brings people who would have never crossed paths before together under one roof to pull off a phenominal production. It brings working people together to share the same passion with one focus. It brings strangers together to help each other out on performance night when I line is missed. It strengthens the Community as a whole.

To me, that's Community.

To me, that's Theatre!

No more!

I don't want to see it, please, please don't let me see it anymore!

I am so sick and tired of seeing overweight females with lowrise jeans on. I am so sick and tired of seeing the disgusting overweight muffin top flowing over the already too low jeans. I am grossed right out if the truth be known!...and maybe they aren't that fat but their clothing choices make them out to be! I don't know, but I do know that enough is enough!

I am sick and tired of seeing the too small top on the too large body with the too low rise jeans. Do their friends not tell them! I know mine tell me when something looks good and something does not!

I am sick and tired of seeing the obese women in these clothes! Don't they know that the lowrise may be in for most but not for them! Don't they know that Penningtons and Reitmans have fabulous plus size clothes? Gahhhhhh!

Where is Stacy and Clinton when you need them? Where are the fashion police when you need them?

TPB

Last week we were graced with the presence of Julian, Bubbles and Ricky.

Not impressed. The show was great...the actors themselves...meh, not so much.

I am a people person and I have been at this job now for two years. Two people have stuck out in my mind so far as the nicest most down to earth people - we're talking "celebrity status" here. They are Jason Blaine and Kalan Porter...honourable mentions go to Johnny Reid and Patrick Roach and John Dunsworth. Now if you don't know who the last two are, well, they are Randy and Lahey from TPB.

I'm not out to be their best friend, I have many. I do, however have to work with them. It is my job to make sure everything is running smoothly, any beefs or bouquets come to me. Although, there were no bouquets from the three, there were no beefs either. I asked Mike and Rob if they needed anything and though they shook my hand and introduced themselves to me, you could tell they were "of higher status"....are they joking!?

I laughed as I exited the room.

I can't be bothered.....

Vegas...or bust.

Ohhhh, how I would love to go to Vegas, but I simply can not.
I am taking an Equine Massage Therapy course the week before and I just can't make it work. I thought I would go, and then I looked at the Calendar....not. gonna. happen....I asked the better half if he was interested...I was turned down, he said it will be harvest by then since things are so late. I get that.

I was going to the Minot State Fair to see my first ever pig show, but thats been scrapped too. Apparently what there is for hay, will need to be cut and baled so....I'm not impressed to say the least.

I honestly am getting the impression that the better half doesn't want to go anywhere with me.

He wants to go hunting in November, but nowhere with me. Well, I have played that card before in my previous marriage. If that's the case, well then it is what it is, and I will go with my friends instead.

I don't think I'm that much of a bother. I mean, I know I can't read a map worth a damn, and I can get lost without any effort, and I know I am not the brightest penny in the jar, and I might complain a time or two, but I think my travelling companions are basically happy with my presence?

Anyway, if I didn't have the course then I, yes I! would be on that plane, by myself, going.

Keep me in mind for future...I'll try not to take any more week long courses!!!

Pet Peeve

One of my biggest pet peeves in this Border Town are drivers.

I would say the majority of drivers between 25-55 are ROAD HAZZARDS!!! Don't even get me started on the over 55's!

If a highway is marked 110 kms and you are doing 90....YOU ARE A ROAD HAZZARD! People are leap frogging you! If the highway is marked 110kms and you are doing 130-140....YOU ARE A ROAD HAZZARD!!! You are now leap frogging others! Can't you just do the speed limit, or can't you just go with the flow of traffic. If you are late, then YOU SHOULD OF LEFT EARLIER.......

Where did they get their license? Who gave it to them?

I am also a firm believer in people over 70, should be getting a re-test on their drivers license...in fact after 70, they should be getting re-tested every two years.

4 Way stop signs are also another bone of contention....Obviously, most of them have never lived in small town Saskatchewan or small town anywhere, where that's all they have...Berline!!!!

Or the rigs....4 huge trucks pull out on to the highway....their top speed....60! 60!...and they are all in a line so you can't pass.....once I managed to pass 3 out of the 4, the biggest truck was yet to pass....the driver, Bless him...moved over on to the side to let the 7 cars behind me plus myself, pass! Why didn't the other 3 smaller big trucks pull over! Hell, even the huge Semi drivers pull over for you! It's nuts!

Or it's two solid lines and some idiot coming towards you decides to pass and all you see are headlights coming at you!! If that doesn't make your arse tighten up a bit, then I don't know what would!

Idiots!....

It seems though, once I get started towards Battlefort people seem to get their wits about them....once I hit Toon town, all is well, and as I am driving the 8 hours to my home town...eveything seems fine. People in the larger cities are courteous and obey most rules....its just the BorderTown... where, I guess, everyone's brains have flown out the window!

I hope that doesn't happen to me!

Who knew?

If I only knew....

So I was in the Queen City on the weekend at a meeting. It was a very frustrating, yet productive one.

Now, I am an organizer as many of my close, personal friends are, and don't get me wrong, I think the girls at the "organization" are fabulous. But after being in the office for the weekend and seeing how things are being "run", well...I was kinda shocked...I think...now my opinion only...don't anyone get their panties in a knot, but I think they have too many irons in the fire and a part time person to run the Auditorium is needed...and we get our girls back to their original job criteria.

We asked them to "pull", if you will the last minutes or any other "writings" for the committee to review so our weeekend could be faster and more productive....yah, we were told that there was no paperwork of ANY KIND!....WHAT?

No documentation that this committee even existed? Bah, you're on crack? There has to be! I was on the board the first time round and I had some documentation but not much. Where are all the minutes? Where are all the programs of previous years? Where are all the inductee bios and forms?

We were told there were none.

After seeing the state of the "office"....well, no wonder nothing could be found.

After the morning was filled with trying to remember all the events and motions that were once made...Just before dinner, I just happened to "zone out" and look behind of the members and see a cabinet with a drawer marked "Hall of Fame"....I blinked a couple of times and then finally spoke up...Guess what we found in the drawer!! Yup! Nothing.

Near the end of the day when the other two members left, Peanut and I thought we might go down to the file room...I was looking around the room commenting on that state of the office when I looked up and saw...yup, the minutes! A binder that said Hall of Fame minutes!

I'm not sure how Peanut felt at that moment, but I was pretty steamed. After all that time, all those hours, all the emails and bantering going on between us and the office staff and there in black, white and yellow were the minutes!

We did go down to the file room and wade our way through the mass amounts of scripts on the floor, file boxes, dust, dinner theatre paraphernalia, cans, bottles, everything stacked for no rhyme or reason from floor to ceiling, we found one lone box of Hall of Fame papers which we immediately took up to the office and filed into the gray drawer of the file cabinet which had our name on it.

I would absolutely donate a weekend if my time to dust, organize and help put away unwanted empty boxes, pop cans, and even in the display case where all the honoured ladies of stage were, contained screw drivers, old name plates, shot glasses....OMG Blanche!...

I just think those ladies are bogged down with too much responsibilites of running the other half of the facility.

I do love them both to death, but really...

Facebook

Ahhhh, facebook.

It really is a networking system.

I am a farm towner...I enjoy pimping myself out at the Markeplace waiting for someone to hire me to harvest their crops.

In the meantime, you strike up conversations with people from all over the world. Yes, I am a talker.

I have gabbed with people from many countries where my morning is their night and vice versa and have even practiced my Spanish on a few of them. I have what is called a buddy list and when your "crops" are ready you can hit the buddy list to see if anyone is online. I use this quite alot and have made friends with three people who I talk regualrly with. One woman who is from South Carolina, one woman from West Virgina and a man from Vancouver who is actually from a town that I used to live in...Punnichy, Saskatchewan! I was on last night and the three of us gathered at my "farm" and we all talked for over an hour! It was great! We laughed, joked and even talked about our healthcare!

Since I have been on facebook I have reconnected with many, many people that I have not heard from in years and its nice to be able to "peek in" on them and see what they are up to and how they are doing, if they are married, have a family, and so forth.

I have an eclectic group of friends and I must say that alot of them are not close friends, we are however still friends and I am grateful that I have the opportunity to get to know them all over again!!

Eloping is the only way

This last Saturday, I spent the whole, entire day talking to soon-to-be-brides about using our venue as a place to get married in.

I saw stressed out young brides, over confident older brides, moderately stressed future mother-in-laws (is that the right spelling or is it mothers-in-law?...anyway...) and mothers of the bride just along for moral support.....and the conclusion I have come to is this.....

Elope.

e⋅lope 
–verb (used without object), e⋅loped, e⋅lop⋅ing.
1.
to run off secretly to be married, usually without the consent or knowledge of one's parents.
2.
to run away with a lover.
3.
to leave without permission or notification; escape.


Just elope!

Go someplace warm, tropical, and secluded.
Those who want to join you can, those who don't well that's fine too.

I saw these future brides, changing their minds once they saw different colour schemes, bows added to this, feathers added to that. Do you have taped music or the real thing? They saw other dresses and then hemmed and hawed over something different yet again. YIKES!

One thing that I know, THAT I KNOW, is that I will be eloping!

Movie Critic Time...

Well the Oscars are around the corner.

I'm kinda rootin' for Milk.

I would root a little more for Benjamin Button, but I really don't like Brad Pitt that much. He has really turned me off since the whole Angelina thing happened. I am a HUGE fan of Cate Blanchett though....HUGE! She is one person I would love to meet.

I am also rootin' for Kate and Leo as well. Ahhhh, together again. "I'm king of the worrrrrld."

I see dead people.

The other morning...wait....I should explain first.

Both of my beloved grandparents have passed over. We (mom and I) are not ready to "let go" as of yet.

Grama and Grapa were cremated. Now....

This is actually a funny story....well, I thought it was funny.....

The other morning, I got up and stumbled to the kitchen where mommy was. We don't talk much first thing in the morning. We are neither happy nor grumpy...we just exist.

"Coffee?" (mom)

"Yup." (me)

"I saw dead people." (me)

"Where?" (mom)

"My room." (me)

"Right." (mom)

When I woke up that morning, I noticed that my make up bag was on something wooden. When I put my glasses on to see what mom was making this time (she's pretty crafty), it turned out to be grama's urn! (She wasn't makin' nothin'.) I then thought, well if grama is in here, then so must be grapa...yup, he was on the desk!

We both laughed our butts off.

Mom said, "Well nothing will harm you if they are in there!"

I thought maybe it would bother me knowing they were in my room, but in a strange way it comforted me even more.