Ranting: conversations in a group

Ive noticed a while ago that when I attend a function, a gathering, or a group large or small, that if I am not included in the conversation, I end up zoning out or walking away.

You can't be mad at me because I've done my best to fit in with a nod or a grunt...you can't fault me for zoning out or walking away...you've done nothing to me? I've done nothing to you!

So, why get annoyed with me when you don't get the answer from me you want when I have no idea what you were talking about. I may have been there in body but unless you look at me when talking to others and include me in that particular conversation, then and only then will I indulge in the gathering, group or likewise...geez

I'm getting used to not being included in conversations, gatherings and so forth...does it bother me? A little. It makes me feel invisible. It makes me feel like in not worthy of your time.
If it makes me feel like that, why stay? If it makes me feel bad about myself and makes me feel useless, why would I allow myself to stay in that situation. You don't want to talk to me and include me, thats your deal, but don't get pissy when I do it to you! Kinda hurts the soul a wee bit.

SO think about it in your next group type setting....make sure you say hi to everyone and include them in your conversation, even if you don't know their names. They are there for a reason.

Make them feel welcome too.

There will be more.

I'm learning new things about myself all the time.

I'm learning to tolerate and appreciate the minds of little people.
I'm learning to tolerate older people but speak my mind without feeling bad about it later.
I'm learning to tolerate Buster and Kiddo when they decide to "act up".
I'm learning to appreciate my OWN time outs.
I'm learning to relax a little under pressure.

That's all within the last week.

I'm learning to see a little more shades of gray but still struggle with the black and white.
I'm learning to stay away from toxic people and not get caught up in their poison.
I'm learning to see a little better in a "dis" functional family and know that mine is not really that bad, or at least is basically the same.

That's all within the last month.

I'm sure there will be more.

Just gabbing.

Friday eh?

Payday today, so that means its also bill paying/grocery/car maintenance day. Ugh.


I did treat mysef to a luxury item this morning......fresh banana bread! The college makes great banana bread so I just had to buy some, plus the hot chocolate machine is broken down there, so when you punch in small it gives you a large and they charge you you for a small!!....Man, I am easy to please. If only other people knew that!

Outside my office door, I can see the public bathrooms. There is one particular janitor that is assigned to clean these bathrooms, but he is ALWAYS in there. Especially the wheelchair one. These bathrooms don't get used very much cuz it is located in the performing arts wing and there are not many students that use it. So, I often wonder just what exactly is he cleaning?

Also down from me is Lulu, the Performnig Arts Secretary...I know they don't call them that anymore, but I don't know her official status. Her and I often have daily visits and sign language talks from across the hall....kinda funny, guess you have to be there. Also is the sports office, where the very fit athletes go back and forth to have a chat with the coaches. They are sometimes nice eyecandy, but wayyyy too young.

The box office is connected to my own little office and we are having a tribute to Anne Murray here in April. We have gotten more calls about Anne Murray coming! NO, its a tribute, which means that Anne herself is NOT coming but rather a 5 piece band coming to sing her hits. You have no idea how mant people don't know what a tribute is! I've changed up the ads in the paper two times now and people still don't get it!

Saturday is clean up the apartment day. I mean, sweeping, scrubbing floors, all the nooks and crannies wiped and polished. Gotta be done. I can not put it off any longer.

Sunday is hell job day. Great. Do I sound excited. Well, I'm not. I am seriously thinking of quitting. It was payday there today and I didn't even make 40 bucks. Good grief!!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Ghost Hunting

I watched Paranormal State last night.

It is a favourite of mine and they are putting out feelers for people to become a part of the team.

I would love to be able to join them, however, there is a catch. The catch is that you must be living in or around the state of Pennsylvania...that sucks.

I. am. nowhere near. that state!

And when I think about it, eventhough I would love to be a part of a group like that, in all honestly, if I came across some paranormal activity....I would run screaming the other way! Have in the past, would surely run in the present!

I mean take the courthouse where Wilma and Queen of Halloween live. I would love to venture around in there, but I know damn well that if I was to "run" into something I would pee myself.

Seeing the old lady when I was small and finding the pictures under the Christmas tree the year my grandfather passed, finding all the cupboard doors in the kitchen open in the mornings, the ornaments that were pushed off the piano, the painting that would "jump off" the wall, the dog barking down the hallway while no one was there, the ornament angel always doing the 360 degree turn....all those things scared the hell out of me....and then I want to join this ghost hunting group? I must be on the crack.

Well, now that I have talked it out, rationalized this on black and white....I've come to the conclusion that maybe I won't join....not this year anyway!

I forgive

Just read a little story by BJ Roan.

Made me think about the last time I saw a loved one before they passed.

I was there for my grama's passing. I'll never forget it. Asking her to ask grapa for forgive me for not being there for his passing and her saying she will. Telling her that I loved her and her whipsering it back to me. Hearing "the death rattle". The last breath. It was truly a moment.

I wasn't there for my grapa's passing. I have a hard time forgiving my family for not telling me sooner. All the surrounding events that happened before the hospital and especially while he was in the hospital. All my family members being able to talk to him and be with him, all but me. Ok, I forgive, but not ever forget.

I don't remember much of grapa's funeral.

I remember grama's funeral.

ok...I forgive.

Quotes

There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
- Dorthy Parker
This quote makes me think of all those who think they are smart...and...they're not!

The past is finished. There is nothing to be gained by going over it. Whatever it gave us in the experiences it brought us was something we had to know.
- Rebecca Beard
This quote reminds me of being married. YIKES!! Not too bright if it took me that long to figure out what I had to know!...wait, what did I learn?! Oh, yah, I remember now.

Go, and never darken my towels again.
- Grouch Marx (1890 - 1977) (this one cracked me up)