Apparently

I'm trying to stay positive...I really am.

I can't seem to catch up with this new job change paying me less...way less then before...Im not a wealthy person.  I do live from pay check to pay check and that has only been lately as I have been socking the so called extra money I get into a retirement plan...do I get kudos for that...nope.  Hell I could take it out and spend it!!
I was just offered a way better paying job, one that I will enjoy.  I asked if I could work a 10 hour shift instead.  I was told no because of the way the business and staff work and instead was offered a dollar more...who can argue with that...apparently that is not good enough for some people.  IT can't get any better than that...and I can take days off to help with another catering job that pays great too!!

Not good enough...apparently. 

What I do get is a verbal shit kicking.  Does this at all help any situation??  I think not.  Does this make me feel like "well, then what the fuck am I doing then?"...you bet.

I feel like I first got married at 19 again.  I feel like a 12 year old having to account for every penny of my allowance...did I realize that getting a divorce would leave me pretty much homeless with no place to live much less food on the table...oh, wait, what table....I didn't have that either!!  I did not ask for any of that.  Hell, I didn't even have enough money to move back home!!

What I did do was learn how to get a job, rent a one bedroom apartment, get a bed, a table and a deep freeze.  Learn how to pay a bill - because that I did not even know how to do - and because I was the one at fault for the divorce, I am still paying for it.  Oh, my GOD, I am still paying for it.

I'm not asking others to help me out.  Never did, never will.

Do not continue to badger me about my finances.  I did not lead a charmed life.  I was not taught how to budget or figure out finances properly until I was in my mid 30's and holy crap, I think I am doing pretty damn good.....others may not think so, but I am self sufficient.  I am not asking for hand outs.  I am not living at a shelter.  I can stand on my own two feet thank you.  Stop telling me what  crappy job I am doing and instead let me know how well I am doing.  I know I still have debt.  It may take me many years to get rid of it all, but it's my debt.  I don't harp about yours or anyone else's.  I don't tell you what you need or want. 

I know that difference between needs and wants.

What I want is some kind gentle advice or help, maybe a pat on the back. 
What I don't need is to be preached or bitched at about it.

No name

I've sent in my resume to I don't know how many people. My tranny on the escape has decided to give me grief - thank you warranty! My mother is having open heart surgery on what looks like now Tuesday, my horse died, and now my dog broke her leg. Is this my fault I ask?

Is any of this my fault? Bad karma maybe but never asked for. Im sick to fucking death of trying to please every one and trying to be the good guy. Im sick to death of others shit attitute. Hey, I'm just trying to get through one more fucking day. Get off my back, treat me with some respect. If I'm such a pain in the ass then let me know so I can fix that. If I'm such a miserable SOB to work with then let me know so I can fix that. If I'm such an idiot, then let me know so I can fix that..don't know if that can be fixed...? If I'm not pulling my weight or if I am being a burden then by all means, let me fix that.

The boss says Fairy, take the day off tomorrow and get your self together. Really? What more can I possible get together? No matter what I touch, no matter what I say or feel, I am falling apart and no happy pill in the world is gonna help me get back together.



I'm sick of having others have a shit day or shit news and treating me like this is all my doing. I'm sick of travelling with moody road partners, I'm sick of being told what is mine and what isn't . I'm sick, fed up and have had it. I double dog dare just one more person to make my day a disaster with their attitude or crap words. I demand respect and kindness. I want it and I want it from now on. Period.

I'm stressed out, a nervous wreck and ready to fly....so DON'T piss me off. I really, really, from the bottom of my heart, mean it.

..... and on top of it all...these feelings really scare the hell out of me.

what's worse?

Im 39 years old and to this day I am pretty sure being disappointed in someone is far worse than being mad at them.

Lately I have been plenty disappointed and only some mad. Every time I turn around I see someone having a melt down over something so trivial that affects me personally and I really am not sure how to deal with it other then by just walking away. The problem of me walking away is that then the situation never gets addressed and low and behold, it happens again.

I am really getting tired of being put in my spot over things that are really so stupid. I feel hurt, used, stupid and belittled. I don't pull that shit on others so why do they think its ok to continue to do it over and over to me? Im guessing its because I do just walk away, but really why fight back over something soooo ridiculous? I do believe that after a time I should be apologized to, but that happens few and far between and when I do get an "Im sorry", it is full of nothingness so why bother saying it unless you do really mean it.

Whether I am at home or at work, all I want is to be treated with respect, not to be taken for granted, which is what I see happening and if your having a bad day, take it somewhere else because what happens is when you lash out a me for stupid crap that happens in your day, I just happen to hold grudges and do expect an apology and will remember what happen previously and that my friends will make me all that more cautious around you....if I know that I was in the wrong then by all means I will apologize and make a note to self, never to do that again, so why is it, it continues to with me?

Rant - Intuition

Today, I am heading out with 5 other strangers to a Leadership Sypmosium. I know only 2 out of the 5. Does that mean I should not go?

I am on Twitter and have 71 people following me...I maybe know 3, I don't know the rest....does this mean I should cancel my account since I don't know the other 68 people?

I am on Blogger and have some beloved blogger friends and have not met many of you face to face, should I block you from reading my blogs? HELL NO!

Which leads me to facebook.
I am the creator or 4 pages and have over 3 hundred friends. Some acquaintances, some co-workers and some game players...some I do not know. Being the creator of 4 pages with over 6 hundred people on all four of them, some I do not know, does this mean that I make them not like the page cuz of my profile on it?

If you don't like that new people come into my life everyday, then I guess I better stay home this week and not get into a car with 5 other people. I guess I better tell my boss that I can't run 4 pages anymore and that I better stay in the house with the blinds closed and the car in the garage.

My other point is this.

I have a really good gut intuition. If my gut is telling me to run!, I run! If my gut is telling me these are good people, then they are good people.

Two people made me feel really bad about myself last night and when I defended myself and gave examples to both of them about what they do on these social networks, that what they do is essentially the same thing, this conversation made all these horrible feelings come back. Feelings that I swore I would never have again in my lifetime.

Im really hurt, that these two people, have the gall to tell me what is right and what is wrong when they have no room to talk.

I had these garbage feelings come back, the ones that landed me at the farm for a week, seeing a doctor who had to prescribe me happy pills so I wouldn't jump off the bridge.

How dare you make me feel that way!

If you don't like what I am doing then you can "de-friend, de-follow, and de-blog" me! I am doing nothing wrong. Nothing!

So, get off my back, take a look at yourself. You are no different then I am.

Get a grip!

Home sick

Where have the days gone?

The time went by so fast.

Its September and the leaves are changing, the wind is a little chillier and the animals are starting to hair up for the cold months that lie ahead.

The days are getting shorter which is making my internal clock want to hibernate and stay under the covers for just that one...more...minute longer!

I am a little home sick though, I am missing the September horse back rides through the beautifully coloured trees, stopping along the way to take pictures of the nature that surrounds me. I am missing the smell of the wet wood as we ride. I am missing the laughter and the fun my cousins and I had riding horseback, running flat out across the open prairie and looking down at my horses mane flowing back and touching my hand that holds the rein. I miss our giggling while we coax our horses to jump over fallen logs...yes, I am home sick.

Maybe I can get home for that one last ride before the snow flies.

Dealing

I'm not sure how to deal with a few things going on, I don't want to say in my life, cuz that sounds too dramatic, but my gut is telling me to be very, very careful.

I'm having a birthday party for Buster on Friday and I am going to be surrounding myself with alot of people that I personally do. not. trust.

My gut is almost in a knot and I am pretty close to being sick about it. I have all these people coming over who have not been very considerate of myself or Buster and still are called "friends" and "famliy".

They are trouble makers, two-facers, liars, and back-stabbers and I have personally got rid of those types of people in my life years ago. I try to surround myself with happy, positive and welcoming, sensitive humans.

I'm actually shaking as I type this, I have gotten myself in such a tizzy. I should know better, but because I offend easily by stupid people, I am on the defensive.

Instead, I will put on a happy face cuz it is for Buster and make the most of it. I only need to be nice, cordial, and only need to give as much as I am given.

I feel really bad that these people that are in Busters life, accept him, of at least I think they do, I have been fooled before, and I have tried to be courteous and polite and still get slapped in the face. They say they are happy for him, that he is finally happy and that I am a warm welcome, but they sure have a funny way of showing it, and Buster is caught int he middle and I hate it. I see in the future a choice may have to be made, but for now, all will be left....simmering.

Because everyone will be at my house, on my territory so to speak, I will give them one last chance. I only do this, because I do love Buster and these people have always been in his life good and bad. So, here goes....

I can not lose sleep over this......

Why is it?

Why is it when someone gets hurt I laugh?

Like when someone bonks their head on something, or catches their foot in the door, or what really just slays me is when I see someone trip.

When I see a tripper, I laugh so hard, I cry. Even now, as I am posting this, I am giggling about watching Buster trip and stub his toe on the chair and go flying into the table....Im killing myself right now! What's wrong with me....wait, I gotta wipe the tears....


It's not like I don't warn people either. If they are doing something potentially dangerous, I will tell them, if you get hurt, I'm gonna laugh...they seem to be ok with it and when it happens, I tell them I told ya so and gut laugh.

Is this bad?

HSP

For years, I have been told that I am over sensitive. That I take things too personal. That I take things to heart, that I am an overthinker. Believe me, I know this. I am fully aware of these "flaws" that I possess. This is not fun for me.

I have close family and friends that tell me this on a regular basis. I KNOW that I am over sensitive...stop reminding me. Remind yourself instead!

I sat down with someone last week. Someone that is like me. This person and I have become pretty good friends and we chat about our "flaws" quite a bit. I had a light bulb moment.

He made me realize that I am a highly sensitive person and that I should recognize and embrace my personal characteristics, or my "flaws".

I recognize and am affected by a persons mood or aura, well before they even do. I recognize the slightest movements or gestures before the other person realizes they are doing it. I recognize tones in the other persons voice before they ever do. I am a highly sensitive to loud noises and startly very, very easily. I get overwhelmed very easliy and need a "time out" in order to think things over and to regroup.

People misunderstand me at times when I become quiet and withdraw. It's not that I am mad, angry or afraid. I am really just assessing the situation and deciding my next course of action and how I should handle it. Me.

I overthink a situation and then assume it is my fault, I worry. Guess that's why I have an ulcer. I work well by myself so I am not scrutinized by others. I know family and friends and yes even Buster get impatient with me, but, I already have you, all of you, figured out well before you even know you do. After these "flaws" of mine were pointed out to me and was given material to read about it, it made so much sense to me. These "flaws" really aren't a flaw at all but rather a gift that I could use to my advantage.

I am who I am. I can not change this. Try as I might. I just can't .

If you love me.
You will keep this in mind.
If you care about me.
You will have patience with me as I do with you.

Getting closer

It echos in the apartment now.

As I was unpacking the kitchenware in Buster's place, our place, I ran across many things that I have missed. When I was in the apartment, I never did any baking or real great cooking. I just did the basics. Kraft dinner and sausages and so forth. No roasts, or not many that's for sure. I ran across my cheese cake forms, my muffin tins, my pan that I use only for roasting garlic in.

In my mind it brought back all these great smells that were a comfort to me years ago. I am hoping that I can find them again in the real kitchen. Not just in my mind anymore.

All the comfort smells that grama made in the kitchen, like home made chocolate cake with chocolate mint icing. Auntie Tyna's Chocolate Cookies, my Mom's roasted chicken with stuffing, potatoes and sour cream gravy. My turtle cake with choclate gnache. The great barb-q season!

It's going to be a new start with Buster, one that I am looking forward to. He is kind, funny, considerate (well, most of the time)! He makes me laugh. For once in a long, long, long time I am I am looking forward to what the future brings with the three of us.

It has been the first time in many years since I haven't felt like fleeing, felt like I should just disappear and make sure no one finds me.

I have found my smile again.

I have great friends, a great job and a great partner...and a pretty good family as well.

I think I'll stay for awhile.

Bleeding Green

I am trying to get all my ducks in a row. I am trying to get my Saskatchewan license turned into an Alberta one. I am trying to stop payments on my Sask. marker on the car and get all transferred to the Alberta car.

I may be eventually turning all I know into red but my heart and mind will always be GREEN!

Green, white, fight!

I feel like I am betraying my Province eventhough I will only be an hour away. I will be one hour closer to Edmontonstrous and an extra hour away from my beloved Toon Town.

I am kinda sad.

I'm not an Albertan, Im a Saskatchewanian!!

I always will be.

No matter what happens. When people ask where I live, I will tell them, but will always add " but I'm from the Saskatchewan/Manitoba border".


I will always bleed green.

Always.

I'm not lost.

Ohhhh my oh my. Where to start.

Well, tonight is Trailer Park Boys. Actually two nights of them...yes, Bubbles, Julian and Ricky.

I can not believe how many people have never been to our theatre before. Well, really are the Trailer Park Boys really culture? I suppose they are a culture in their own right. Not my kind of culture, but never the less....we are at least bringing in a "new" people who will be seeing the theatre...thats is one bright side.

I am actially looking forward to meeting the boys because when Randy and Lahey were here for a performance, they were really quite nice men. Intelligent and knew what side of their bread was buttered. Lahey, who in real life is a Shakespearian actor, was a very brilliant man to talk to and Randy was also very intelligent, so meeting the other three out of character will be interesting I'm sure.

Other news...well I have been jetting here and there for many Arts showcases, meeting talented singers, songwriters, actors and musicians all of whom are trying to make a living in this Country. I have met many these last few weeks and the one who still is to me a fabulous singer/songwriter is Jeffrey Straker. He is truly a hard act to follow!...and he is a prairie boy!

Another person who I have befriended is a woman by the name of Karen Fawcett. She is an opera singer who is wonderful! And I don't even like opera!!

Relationship wise, well, I have been dating for three months now, not quite three, to a man who wears his heart on his sleeve and is open and honest. He tells it like it is and this is pretty good on my part. No hidden agenda. YAY! I meet his family this weekend and I am nervous. He met my two closest friends, Bruno and Wilma. He really liked them AND he really likes the theatre!! He had never attended any theatre before and now I have made him into a monster! We are attending a black tie event this weekend. The Shumka Dancers will be performing in Edmontonia and I am super excited a). that I am going and b). I am going with someone who will enjoy it as much as I!!

I am also super excited as we (Wilma, Bruno and I) are heading to Vegas in December.

After my little nerve episode, I sat down and truly thought about who my friends are and who is really no good for me. I have found that I can only be with people who love me for me. I can not change, well I can change a few things, but my "behaviours" are a learned behaviour and I can only change to my ability. I like who I am. I have finally found me.
The people who matter to me are my family, Buster the new and improved better half, and only a handful of close friends and Wilma and Bruno are two of them. Not only do I think of my family, close friends and Buster daily, but I also wonder how they are, what they are doing and so forth.

So with this new found awareness, I am really looking forward in going to Vegas with my two of my best friends. I am looking forward in going to a hot place with Buster, I am looking forward to Christmas with my family.

With 2009, The Year of Being Me almost gone. I think I have finally found me. It took me awhile but, I am still here, I am now in relatively good health, I am in a stable relationship, my friends who have helped me through this rough spot are still here - I have not scared them off!, my family is closer to me then ever and my job is soaring to new heights.

I am back on track and will be blogging, which I missed doing, on a regular basis again....

Not gonna just sit.

Well, it's been 9 days since I got the boot and I decided on about day 3 that I was not gonna sit in my little abode and feel sorry for myself. I thought about Stifler's Mom who was at my place almost every night crying on the couch feeling sorry for herself and making me feel bad about not having anyone in her life. So, on day 4, I joined an online dating service...a well respected one, and the responses I have had are great. Ihave discovered that I will no longer tolerate being treated like a piece of crap, I will no longer tolerate being yelled at or made to feel bad about myself. I am a nice person, I would give you the shirt off my back, I am loyal, trustworthy....and cute!

I also have had a couple of people whom I had meet through Legs ask me out, but I just think that is too weird, and really I don't want to have to cross paths like that. I want to cut the ties and move on, and so, it shall be done.

I managed to meet this really nice guy through this online dating service and we went out for dinner last night. It was really nice to be able to have adult conversation with someone mature, and his head on straight, a direction in life and a career! Who knew!!?

He is heading out this next week for a week of holidays so it will give us a chance to think about things and decide if we are going to continue or go in a different direction, which is good with me.

Until then, I will continue to review my matches and ......date!


Look out! Here I come!

A little advice

Once again, I had an ah-ha moment on the weekend.

When I got married. I hyphenated my last name. Some things I put in his last name only, like credit cards and some I kept my maiden and hyphenated it with his.

I kept my last name just in case my dead beat dad was ever trying to find me, because I certainly could not find him.

Now, I never wish divorce on anyone but these are the things I now know:

1). Make sure you have your own credit established.

2). Make sure you are in the "know" of the finances in the household.

3). Pay some of the bills yourself.

4). Don't have a joint account, and if you do, start your own! Please!

5). Make sure you have a least one credit card in your name! This does not include the airmiles card!!

6). Keep your last name. Hyphenate the thing and sign his last name on everything to make him feel better, but for heaven sake...keep your last name. Way less hassle to get it back...if you so choose. If your happy with carrying on his last name even in the case of divorce well, that's up to you. But should you choose to ever, ever get your maiden name back....it's not easy.

ok....I feel better now.

Three and a half years later and I'm still fighting it....not him per say, but the name thing.

I just want my name back. Who knew it would be this hard to get MY identity back.

This is me, Fairy Mae.... and I'm still shaking my head.

Wrinkles

So I am concerned.

I have very prominent wrinkles across my forehead.

I need a haircut soon.

Do I keep growing my bangs out to expose my forehead OR do I continue to cut my bangs, therefore hiding my forehead?

I am very selfconscious about my wrinkles. I hate the thought of wrinkles everywhere. I have a tattoo of horsesn running across my lower back. I must continue to exercise or the horses will be running across my butt. I have a few tattoos and I have put them specifically in places that will not sag. There are none on my chest. There are none on my belly.

But I do have wrinkles and I have considered other alternatives to get rid of them, but then I would have to continue to get these little inperfections corrected month after month.

Maybe I should get my bangs back.

And another thing....

Why can't I have the body of Angelina Jolie? or Cate Blanchett? Oh, yes, I remember....it just isn't going to happen when you wrist bone is as big as Angelina's thigh...I come from good German breeding stock...that's right, I'm built like a brick $h!t house!!!

Ah, I'm nicer anyway. I may not have their money or good looks, but I have a heart of gold.

"Never compare your inside with somebody else's outside." - Hugh McLeod.

Waking up in the dark

For me the dark is a terrible thing. I hate the dark. It scares the crappers outta me.

Thankfully, Bronco Bruno gave me a nightlite for Christmas and it is plugged in to my hallway. Its a pretty neat little contraption. It dims when not in use. It has a sensor on it and it brightens when you get closer to it. I really like it! Thank you!!

I am scared of the dark for a few reasons. Mainly because for me, I have heard and seen things that literally "go bump in the night", and now need a light to help me through the night. When I am with someone or others in the house, then I am ok. Just when I am by myself is when the light comes in handy.

The other reason for being scared of the dark is because one early winter morning, I was to go into the horse shed to turn on the feedlot light. I thought there was a horse in the shed with me but I knew the rustling noises being made in the corner were faster movements then that of a horse....it wasn't a horse. I heard a low growl and something take off in to the other corner...I quickly flipped the outside light on and bolted out of there with a coyote fast on my heels. He went one way and I went the other screaming bloody blue murder...my mom thought it was pretty funny and laughed her a$$ off at the whole situation. I find it a little funny now, but not hysterics like she thought it was....ya, I'm not fond of the dark.

The dark has unusual shadows and stranger then normal noises.

The dark is one place I do not like to be.

The dark is a very scary place to be when you are alone and just know something is gonna go down when the little hairs on the back of your neck stand up and the dogs hackles go up and she starts barking at an object or down the hallway for no apparent reason....and things move or drop, and no one is there.

I hate the dark.

days like these

This blog is the period blog.

Yup....is about that time of the month...or the gearing up of....

Cramps, migraine, tired, cranky....

I hate it.

I think I would sooner take the hot flashes, which I too have been having.... I have had enough....clearly I will not be having any children.

I'm going on 38.....I think....now it's memory loss! What next!

Anyway....my uterus feels like its about to fall out. I have a migraine from hell and I just want to go home, curl up in a ball and sleep....and maybe..... not wake up.

I have been taking drugs to help with the migraines. These drugs also help my shakes, which is great. Kill two birds with one stone. But the migraine is a little stronger today.

Legs just avoids me completely when the time comes...which is good. I am whiney, well more than normal, grumpy and always filling my face with food and water...I can't get enough of it.

He does do the cooking and gets the heating pad for me, but thats about it. And really, I too don't want him around.

The "monthly" is a curse....it is not my friend at all. I never could understand why some women called it "your friend". I get that if you didnt get it you would be with child, but let me say that it is not a friend, not mine anyway! I have many friends and none of them remind me of my period!

There are many different names for "it". Either way, it is a miserable few days for me and I can simply say it sucks!

Random thoughts

I don't have any kids nor do I see any in the future. I does kinda bug me though, when people tell me that I don't know what responsibility is until I have a kid. That I would do anything in the world for them, I would die for them, I would protect them until my dying day. And I know I would, if I had any....

Well, the same goes for my horses and dog.. I would die for them. Unlike a child that leaves home at the age of 18, an animal doesn't do that. They are with you unil they pass away. I have two elderly horses, that are over 20 and have had them since yearlings. I am now caring for the aged. They have different feed, they have to be brought in at night, I have to make sure their teeth are good. They must have a healthy, shiny coat. That they are keeping weight on.

They too, depend on me as I depend on them. They help me through thick and thin. They are there when I am happy, sad, or mad. They can't tell me when they hurt, or are pining for another horse.

It is intuition, just like mothers or fathers have for their children. They know when you are going away for a few days. They are ecstatic when you return. You have to arrange for sitters. There is a schedule to follow, which I might add would be helpful for those who don't have one for their kids! Eventhough...I don't have kids....I have been told that it is good to have structure, starting with a schedule...awww, now I am being sarcastic...

I can't stand it when someone says that I don't know what its like to have responsibility of looking after others....well, my animals may not be others in the human sense, but they are others.

ok, I feel better now.

Happy Birthday Grapa! Favourite Things Thursday

If my grandfather were alive today, we would be celebrating his birthday today. A Favourite Thing! How appropriate!

My grandfather meant and still means the world to me to this day. I miss him terribly.

He taught me alot of things. He taught me how to hammer nails, how to drive the truck, car, grain truck (stick shift and all), the tractor and the grader. He showed me how to properly shovel manure so that you could pack more on! Teehee. He taught me how to play crib. The list goes on and on....

Nobody was prepared (and when are you really?)for his death, least of all me. You just think that people who mean the most to you will live forever...physically. Now that he is gone he still teaches me things.

Patience for one. I can hardly wait to see him again, but I have to wait. It is not my time.

Secondly, humour, I think of all the good times we had. Like the time we were driving in the pasture and I ran over a boulder. We hit that rock so hard that both of our heads hit the roof of the truck, grapa's lower dentures flew out of his mouth and on to the dash. We both looked at each other. He put his teeth back in and we got out to see how much damage I did. I scraped off the bumper and the front axle was hung up on the rock. Grapa looked at me and said, "I'll get the tractor and we won't tell grama about this." To this day it still makes me laugh.

Thirdly, pathos, I have never felt a feeling like this before. With him being gone, this is what I feel....sorrow, emptiness, desolate. I hate it. I don't want to talk about that part.

But today is his birthday...so Happy Birthday Grapa!

You are never far from my thoughts, you are never far from my heart and I know you are always with me.

I love you,

Your Liebling

This great Favourite Things Thursday idea is by Blue!

My one on one

The past three days have not been good days. I am not sure what is wrong but I am sad. Like "nerves" sad. I have been bawly, shakey, and just plain down-in-the-dumps sad.

I tired of being happy for everyone, I am tired of smiling all the time, and I am super tired of being jovial to co-workers and others who I know don't like me. They make me feel on edge. I never know what they are going to say or how they are going to say it. I am tired of trying to accomodate people when they don't do it in return. I am sick of fighting with Legs. I am tired of being the "shrink" for certain people (they know who they are). I am just tired....

Yesterday was extremely bad. I went out to see the horses and as soon as I saw my ole man Bosley, I started to cry...and he just stood there and let me. After I had my little session, I then cleaned and trimmed everyone's feet, groomed everybody, then went back to town to my stupid one bedroom hole and stayed there the whole day. The good thing about that is that I stayed busy. The apartment is spotless and the laundry is done!

My cousin then called and as soon as she asked how things were going, I once again started to bawl. She was silent. I have never done that to her before and feel bad now that it happened. I just couldn't stop myself. I told her that there are days I wish I was with Grama and Grapa. That scared her. I didn't mean for her to be nervous about that. Its just that Heaven is a place where there is Peace, tranquility, happiness. No crap there. Plain and simple!

Today, I still feel down but am not bawly. I took my shakey pill again today and it seems to be helping. I'm just so sad. Like the type of sad when someone passes.

Tomorrow is Volunteer Appreciation Day here at work. I gotta snap outta this funk.

Maybe I will pick up tomorrow....I mean it is still only Monday morning.....maybe I shoulda went to church yesterday....nah....I got my one on one while I was with Bosley......maybe tomorrow will be better.

Favourite Things Thursday

Yikes...I made it. I didn't think I would make my Thursday before it turned into Friday!!

One of my favourite things is people watching.

I am a people watcher. I will sit on a bench and people watch go by or when I am at my happy work place, I will stand and watch people. I watch how they interact with people close to them like their spouse, parent or children, then when someone different comes along, I watch how they react to them. It amazes me how one person is rude to someone close to them, then in the next instant they are nice to others. It is like a light bulb. To see how people tolerate others. To see how people flirt with others. I also like to see how people dress. I wonder why they chose those pants or that shirt and sometimes I wonder if Stacy and Clinton are around to help those in need of a makeover. I, of course am always stylish!!!!

I watch people all the time. If I am at the movies with Legs, I will watch those trying to find a seat, discussing where the best place would be, or to watch gawky teenagers enter with a date, while fumbling with the popcorn and drink.

The best place though to people watch is in the mall on the bench. Just sit quietly and take in all that is around you. It may be a bit odd to some, but that I one of my favourite things.

Thanks to out host...Blue.