No name

I've sent in my resume to I don't know how many people. My tranny on the escape has decided to give me grief - thank you warranty! My mother is having open heart surgery on what looks like now Tuesday, my horse died, and now my dog broke her leg. Is this my fault I ask?

Is any of this my fault? Bad karma maybe but never asked for. Im sick to fucking death of trying to please every one and trying to be the good guy. Im sick to death of others shit attitute. Hey, I'm just trying to get through one more fucking day. Get off my back, treat me with some respect. If I'm such a pain in the ass then let me know so I can fix that. If I'm such a miserable SOB to work with then let me know so I can fix that. If I'm such an idiot, then let me know so I can fix that..don't know if that can be fixed...? If I'm not pulling my weight or if I am being a burden then by all means, let me fix that.

The boss says Fairy, take the day off tomorrow and get your self together. Really? What more can I possible get together? No matter what I touch, no matter what I say or feel, I am falling apart and no happy pill in the world is gonna help me get back together.



I'm sick of having others have a shit day or shit news and treating me like this is all my doing. I'm sick of travelling with moody road partners, I'm sick of being told what is mine and what isn't . I'm sick, fed up and have had it. I double dog dare just one more person to make my day a disaster with their attitude or crap words. I demand respect and kindness. I want it and I want it from now on. Period.

I'm stressed out, a nervous wreck and ready to fly....so DON'T piss me off. I really, really, from the bottom of my heart, mean it.

..... and on top of it all...these feelings really scare the hell out of me.

Ten Commandments

I understand the ten commandments.

The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:2-17)
1	“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.
2	“You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments.
3	“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
4	“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.
5	“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
6	“You shall not murder.
7	“You shall not commit adultery.
8	“You shall not steal.
9	“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
10	“You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's

Does this cover not having any chocolate, potato chips, candy or pop, popcorn with butter and salt, or an extra helping of potatoes and gravy ?

DUHHHH

Ok...I am following me and I can't figure out how to stop.

Must do some reading....

What's that saying again??

So, I went to a pretty good meeting this morning on social networking for the job. My 'temp' boss came with me as she likes this stuff too. I am the one who puts together all media advertising, social networking, you name it, if it has to be advertised, I am the one.

We watched today a video that was on UTube. Now, we have been playing with that idea for some time now, do we do a "commercial" persay, do we do a "taping" of a play rehearsal, do we do an "out takes" of funny stuff that happens here....anyway, my temp boss is also on the board of directors as well as a few others. One other board member also attended this meeting as well. After we saw this little video, he stood up and motioned to my boss that, that was something we would have to do, and that she would be the one to get it done.

What am I chopped liver? My temp boss leaned over and said to me, yes we will have to get on this and my response was...I didn't hear my name mentioned!!

I thought is was funny.

She didn't.

We got back to work and since I am directing the play for the Gala in March, and the perfectionist that I am, I want things to start getting in order. My actors are learning their lines quite nicely and now I want to incorporate the music, sound and lighting....I smell sabotage in the works.

One of the people that I hate just so happens to be in Vancouver doing lights for some of the shows for the Olympics ( We'll never hear the end of this!), I say the father away the better. He will just be getting back from there when my show really gets tight....and really, I don't want him anywhere near my set, my actors or me! But such is life.... He, in Vancouver has instructed all of the back stage crew to NOT help me. For them not to touch the lights, not to touch the sound board, not to help me with anything...how can one person have such a strong hold on others? Well, really I just got out of relationship like that so I understand, but my thing is, is if he's not here...how will he know?

I don't want this show to be some half wit, concoction. I want it to be professional, snazzy and I want people to talk about it and in a good way.

This guy really picks my a$$.

Now, I am waiting for the Artist in Residence and another woman to show up and we will be hitting the cafetieria in the college to see what we can do for the decorations. I would like the cafeteria to have an eerie, dark Englich Pub feel for the pre-gala event. I have piped in an 8 minute song from The Shining to be played down there and right before the curtain goe up. I am really getting excited about this, now if I just had some help from the tech end all would be well....

Ahhh, for tomorrow's events!!!

Death and Taxes.

Ugh.

I am getting my financials in order for tax time and it's overwhelming. I have to send in my medical bills and get only 80% back, so the other 20%, I have to prepare for the accountant so I can get that back. Sheesh.

The weekend can not get any closer!

I am also trying to find some of the donation slips, gas reciepts and oh, ya, the schooling that I took back on September for the EMT Course. Gahhhh....

I am also preparing to meet the cast tonight at a church who houses 1900's costumes and may have to sign my life in blood if we decide to take them. We are meeting about 5:30 and then from there, I have a performance to work at tonight...which, I am assuming that I will have to help in the bar....sigh.

The weekend can not get any closer.

I am also counting down the days to Mexico and its painful, there are so many sleeps left before we leave.....Wahhhhh.

The weekend can not get any closer!

Tomorrow I have play rehearsal with the cast, and that my friends, is going very well. I have the lighting sorted and the music picked....and the cast MUST be off script by February 9th.

There is this one little guy Gene, that is my little gopher. He is new to the theatre world and is just so enthusiastic that I want to hug him and smack him at the same time. He fills in for those who can not be there, he bounces from back stage props to prompting. He is really a cutie.

This weekend, I have to get down to business though and get my tax stuff in order. I want to send it in as soon as I can so I can get it over with as this will be my last year that I still have divorce crap hanging over my head. Man, I have been seperated from Millertime for 5 years and divorced for 3 and it still haunts me....and I was the nice one! HA! Won't evah be doin' that again!

Meantime, in the nut house, all seems to be coming together for me and I may be able to get a year pass if all goes well.

Buster and I are getting along famously and I am really latching on to his daughter, who is pretty cute, if truth be known. As for my family, well, I still am sticking to my motto "you can't change others, you can only change yourself", so, things are still basically the same.

The finances are ever so slowly dwindling down and there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel, which pleases me.

Still, the weekend can not get any closer!

Random thoughts all over the board.....you'll get used to it!

Not cured yet!

Crack ups

Mental P posted this a few days ago and it really cracked me up.

Put your name followed by the word "needs" in a google search and post the first ten things that come up. Here are mine:

Fairy Mae needs....more depth, variety and edge.

Fairy Mae needs....more training (tell me about it!)

Fairy Mae needs.... to rethink.

Fairy Mae needs...$35 billion.

Fairy Mae needs.....a tag before she gets too old. (aaaahhhhh)

Fairy Mae needs....to crawl back in to his trailer. (Who please?)

Fairy Mae needs....help with the blush, it can be a little clownish.

Fairy mae needs....a make over badly.

Fairy Mae needs...and desires (I desire lots of things!)

Crack ups

Crack ups