scared as all get out.

First of all, those who know me, know I am deathly afraid of two things:

Sharks and the Dark.

Sharks, I can avoid. If a shark is on the telly, then I usually give out a yelp, turn my head, tear up and get goose bumps. I have never seen Jaws...don't ever want to, and it was really hard for me to see Wilma put her leg into the mouth of "Jaws" at Universal let alone walk by the damn thing. As well as to walk under them with Bruno in San Diego!! He saw me flip.

The dark...ahhh the dark, it is unavoidable. When I go to bed at night, there is a street lamp on just outside my window to alluminate my little abode. When I am at any of the farms, whether it is at my mommy's or farm sitting, there is always a light on in the house. When I am at Legs' house the bathroom light is left on for me.

I am afraid of the dark because of ghosts. Yes it is silly but its the God's honest truth. When I was little I saw "her" in my Great Grandmothers house and when we lived in the house in Estercrazy both the "bad man" and my grandfather were there. My grandfather, I could deal with, but not the "bad man". He was evil.

I have not been sleeping well lately and so I lay awake in bed looking up in the corner of my bedroom where my stuffed animals are in my hammock. They make me happy.

Friday night was the night that I had the hell scared out of me. I awoke to see "her" beside me. She was standing next to me, at my right shoulder, when I turned my head to see what was going on because I could "feel" something, she stood up and just stayed there "looking" at me eventhough she has/had no face. She still looked the same. All dressed in black with lace cuffs and lace at her throat with her grey hair pulled into a severe bun...but no face.

What the hell does she want and why after 30 some years did she come back to see me? I started to cry and grabbed my pillow and threw them all over my head and was breathing so hard that I thought my athsma was going to kick in, then what, I would sooner die then put my arm out and reach for my inhaler!! Are you nuts!!??? I calmed down enough to lift the covers and squint through my eyes to see if she was still there, she wasn't, thank heaven!!

Needless to say, I have been a little freaked out since this has happened and have been camped out on the couch with Gigi my hampster, with the telly on, and with the lights on. I know it has only been one night, but one was enough. Maybe I'll go to my bed tonight and leave the hall light on. All I know is that I know what I saw, I have seen "her" before and don't want to see "her" anymore. I can tell you that when I first saw her all those years ago, she has always crossed my mind on a regular basis and there has been talk of her being an aunt way back when, but nobody really knows for sure.

Maybe it's her way of telling me that she thinks of me too. Maybe she is my guardian angel or my spirit guide. I don't know.