At the farm

I was at the farm this past weekend and enjoyed the heck outta myself by attending a cabaret hosted by a Pipeline outfit that has been in town for the past few months. They threw the party to thank the community for welcoming them. It was free booze and free food. Can't get much better then that! The band they hired to play was exceptional too. Not only did I have my fill on food and drink but I cut a rug a few times too!

The rest of the weekend was spent fixing fence...that is a never ending job and looking for a missing horse. This is the second horse that has gone missing. We did eventually find the first horse and discovered that a cougar was the culprit and we think that is what happened again. We called our neighbours to see if they saw our missing horse and they told us they lost a mare last month to a cougar....so we called the game warden and he told us to take the gun out with us the next time we check on horses.

While I was walking two miles of fence it suddenly dawned on me that we have a big cat roaming the pasture and by the time I thought of it, all I had to defend myself if I needed to, was a hammer, fencing pliers and three dogs. I figured I was covered so I carried on walking fence. On my way back however, I was in the slough patching fence and the two dogs started to bark and growl. My whole body tensed. The little blonde bomb dog Tammy, stuck close to me. The dogs wouldn't stop barking so I decided to arm myself with the hammer and check it out.

Theo and Effie had trapped a beaver...some relief there! I called them off and we were all happily on our way again.

Yesterday was time to head home and mom and I decided to check all the horses once more before I left. We discovered that one of our babies was so lame that she couldn't step on her front foot....we called Angle-a and her and the kids came out to help wrangle a wild filly on three legs! Well...we managed to get mom, baby and babysitter into the barn, give oats to the guardians and cornered the wild eyed filly. Good thing she was little, I would say about 3-400 pounds. We managed to get the halter on her, give her a needle full of penicillin and rinse her little foot to see what was the cause of her pain....which took all of about 15 minutes....easy!

I was on my way back to the Border Town...yippy. Note of sarcasm there...

Back to the farm in a couple of weeks....wonder what adventure lies ahead!

Just not so

Well, I was having problems with what they thought was Essential Tremor Disorder. I just couldn't control my hands. They shook all the time, so they put my on drugs to stop the shaking, then I had Restless Leg Syndrome, so more drugs for that....I couldn't understand, why all of a sudden I had this stuff. Nobody else in my family had it, I didn't know my dad's side, maybe it he had it? What do I know...

When I went back home for the week, I fell apart. Non stop crying, bad thoughts...terrible ones actually, and I then, went to the doctor. As is turns out, depression runs in the family. Grama had, it, my cousin has it, my mom has it, and I do too. He also said I have some OCD trays...meaning I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorders over "time". My time is different to everyone elses. The strange thing is, is that I knew I had a problem with time, but didn't know what or how to stop these outrageous urges. When I go to the lake with Wilma and Bruno, we all hang up our watches and I would think, and think and think about the watch hanging on the nail and tell myself to lighten up. Someone says talk to you later and if it wasn't my later which is 2-4 hours, I would drive myself into the ground pacing, looking out the window, checking the time and I would do it so much, I would lose track of time....I was slowly driving myself crazy.

For those who know me are used to me stuttering and stammering. My brain always in overdrive and can't catch up to what I wanted to say. The anxiety attacks were so severe that I literally could not catch my breath...I would be on the phone to mom or the cousin and so upset that I would gasp for breath leaving them in terror on the other end because I couldn't take in enough air and they couldn't help me from where they were...which is on the other side of the Province!

Today, is a good day. Today, I am on medication that I must stay on, and I may not be cured, but my thinking patterns are evening out, I still have the odd freak out, but they too are subsiding. When someone tells me later, it will BE later and not my later. I can put my watch on and not look at it every five minutes. I'm no longer jumping out of my skin when someone comes around the corner. Things are slowing down and I am on the mend!

Finally.

Not gonna just sit.

Well, it's been 9 days since I got the boot and I decided on about day 3 that I was not gonna sit in my little abode and feel sorry for myself. I thought about Stifler's Mom who was at my place almost every night crying on the couch feeling sorry for herself and making me feel bad about not having anyone in her life. So, on day 4, I joined an online dating service...a well respected one, and the responses I have had are great. Ihave discovered that I will no longer tolerate being treated like a piece of crap, I will no longer tolerate being yelled at or made to feel bad about myself. I am a nice person, I would give you the shirt off my back, I am loyal, trustworthy....and cute!

I also have had a couple of people whom I had meet through Legs ask me out, but I just think that is too weird, and really I don't want to have to cross paths like that. I want to cut the ties and move on, and so, it shall be done.

I managed to meet this really nice guy through this online dating service and we went out for dinner last night. It was really nice to be able to have adult conversation with someone mature, and his head on straight, a direction in life and a career! Who knew!!?

He is heading out this next week for a week of holidays so it will give us a chance to think about things and decide if we are going to continue or go in a different direction, which is good with me.

Until then, I will continue to review my matches and ......date!


Look out! Here I come!

Done like Dinner

Well, the saga is over.
Legs and I are done.

How did things go you might ask?

Well, if you had decided to log on to his facebook and see his status listed as single...you would have known the same time I did! Yup...the coward didn't even have the balls to tell me.

He called me the day before...we talked as usual, nothing struck me as odd. We talked about the upcoming weekend, what I was to get for a gift for the wedding we were to attend together...I got no indication it was over. Nothing. Zero. Zilch.

I was very upset at first. But then I got am email from his Aunt....HIS AUNT!! She told me that I was a good person, that his family were nothing but mean, nasty people and took anyone they could for granted. Squeezed the life out of them and then threw them away and that I should be glad that they are no longer in my life.

That my friends......

Made me smile!

Good Grief!

Well, Legs is in a mid life crisis and I am taking the brunt of it.

Why is it I have to hook up with the guys who are going through "the change"!?

And for those men out there who say, you don't go through it, you better not say it to me! I have witnessed it not once, but twice and this little ole heart o mine is not going to be able to handle much more of it. I mean really!

Hell, I haven't even gone through it yet!! WTF!

The "ex" told me that he needed a change and wasn't ready to retire and didn't want to be married anymore, but that I could still live in the house with him! Are you kidding! You don't want me to be a part of your life, but I can still live in the same house...ummmm....NO.

NOW, "the better half" is going through his own, dealing with the family farm, selling off quarters of land, hating his job and I'm the one he's thinking of dumping! I just thought that I was the only thing stable in his chaotic life, but as it turns out, I'm not. I'm the cause of it, cuz now he is getting cold feet in having to settle down and start to make a life with someone. BUT, he doesn't want to break up cuz HE thinks that "we" will be alright, so in the mean time I am thinking...am I in or am I out?

Talk about a great weight loss regime!

....and I am a basket case.

Set it free

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it is yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
-Anonymous

Isn't it funny how life repeats itself.

First with my mom when my dad left and never came back.

The set it free poem was always present in my life. My mom had this poster on her wall in her bedroom. She said it reminded her of my dad.

I have never forgotten that day, nor the poem...as, secondly, it always seems to be ever apparent in my own life.

When is it gonna end.

Vegas...or bust.

Ohhhh, how I would love to go to Vegas, but I simply can not.
I am taking an Equine Massage Therapy course the week before and I just can't make it work. I thought I would go, and then I looked at the Calendar....not. gonna. happen....I asked the better half if he was interested...I was turned down, he said it will be harvest by then since things are so late. I get that.

I was going to the Minot State Fair to see my first ever pig show, but thats been scrapped too. Apparently what there is for hay, will need to be cut and baled so....I'm not impressed to say the least.

I honestly am getting the impression that the better half doesn't want to go anywhere with me.

He wants to go hunting in November, but nowhere with me. Well, I have played that card before in my previous marriage. If that's the case, well then it is what it is, and I will go with my friends instead.

I don't think I'm that much of a bother. I mean, I know I can't read a map worth a damn, and I can get lost without any effort, and I know I am not the brightest penny in the jar, and I might complain a time or two, but I think my travelling companions are basically happy with my presence?

Anyway, if I didn't have the course then I, yes I! would be on that plane, by myself, going.

Keep me in mind for future...I'll try not to take any more week long courses!!!

New way to exercise

Well, this past week and some I went home. To the farm. Would you like to know what I did?

I pounded about 20 posts in with a 16 pound sledge...on the second day, I found my muscles...or rather, they found me!

Along with me cousin, we fixed miles of fence, created another wood fence and pounded out a wall and then proceeded to create another.

We shovelled loads and loads of manure and that was only half the barn, we stacked bales and cleaned and mowed the yard! Im talking push mower people! No riding mower this year!

We stacked pallates for the fence mom is intending to build.

We sorted horses, and weaned two not very happy colts.

We dug out the fire pit and made it deeper!!
It was great to see a huge bon fire in the evenings!

We were very busy.

As for the exercise.... I only managed to lose two pounds but lost 3 inches of my bust, 2 inches off my waist, lost most of my back fat! and lost 2 1/2 inches off my butt/thigh area!

I worked hard this past week. I played only last Friday and that was at the bar for steak night.

I did enjoy the company during the work week at home and sitting around the bon fires drinking a well deserved beer.

I think I'll do it again in about three weeks.