Just not so

Well, I was having problems with what they thought was Essential Tremor Disorder. I just couldn't control my hands. They shook all the time, so they put my on drugs to stop the shaking, then I had Restless Leg Syndrome, so more drugs for that....I couldn't understand, why all of a sudden I had this stuff. Nobody else in my family had it, I didn't know my dad's side, maybe it he had it? What do I know...

When I went back home for the week, I fell apart. Non stop crying, bad thoughts...terrible ones actually, and I then, went to the doctor. As is turns out, depression runs in the family. Grama had, it, my cousin has it, my mom has it, and I do too. He also said I have some OCD trays...meaning I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorders over "time". My time is different to everyone elses. The strange thing is, is that I knew I had a problem with time, but didn't know what or how to stop these outrageous urges. When I go to the lake with Wilma and Bruno, we all hang up our watches and I would think, and think and think about the watch hanging on the nail and tell myself to lighten up. Someone says talk to you later and if it wasn't my later which is 2-4 hours, I would drive myself into the ground pacing, looking out the window, checking the time and I would do it so much, I would lose track of time....I was slowly driving myself crazy.

For those who know me are used to me stuttering and stammering. My brain always in overdrive and can't catch up to what I wanted to say. The anxiety attacks were so severe that I literally could not catch my breath...I would be on the phone to mom or the cousin and so upset that I would gasp for breath leaving them in terror on the other end because I couldn't take in enough air and they couldn't help me from where they were...which is on the other side of the Province!

Today, is a good day. Today, I am on medication that I must stay on, and I may not be cured, but my thinking patterns are evening out, I still have the odd freak out, but they too are subsiding. When someone tells me later, it will BE later and not my later. I can put my watch on and not look at it every five minutes. I'm no longer jumping out of my skin when someone comes around the corner. Things are slowing down and I am on the mend!

Finally.