Sleeping

Today, today, I am tired. Not sleepy tired, but bone weary tired.

I am mental tired.

I am physical tired.

I am emotional tired.

Somedays, I would give my eye teeth, to just sleep and not wake up for a long, long while. Thats cryogenics, when I think about it. Maybe, I should talk to Michael Jackson about that stuff. He may have a few options for me...or maybe Walk Disney...no, wait, he's....yah, I can't talk to him....Oh, I know...Sleeping Beauty! I can....no can't talk to her either...hmmm, seems like Michael is my only option right now.

Dance moms

Dance moms are a NIGHTMARE!

My mom was a dance mom, but she was never and in-your-face nutball dance mom. I find the Dance moms here living their dream through their kids. Something they didn't have the chance to do when they were young...which, are all about my age! Yikes!

The kids are fantastic. The are polite, happy, courteous, I really have nothing bad to say about them. When they are in the back getting ready to go on stage, there is never any tom foolery. They are lined up and ready to go.

The dance moms....WHOLE nother story!

They are pushy, demanding, RUDE, and never have a smile on their face. They yell, holler, and scream. This is only my second dance season here at work.

My mom was always in the audience. She never HAD to be up front so I could see her. I knew she was there! She never meddled with the back stage people who helped us get into our costumes, and get our hair in place. She may have had my tap shoes a time or two and we had to get them from her, but she was NEVER, NEVER, rude.

I took 13 years of dance. Both Tap and Jazz and only two years of Ballet. Ballet was not my thing, nor was my body willowy and fragile!!

But in the 13 years I took dance, I was able to get my teaching certificate for level 1, which meant I could teach ther little gaffers. I didn't like the little kids, so I never taught.

I enjoyed my years of dance up until the time I was 16 when my teacher lied to me about rehearsals. She was changing dance times behind my back with the other kids in my group and secretly taking them to competition.....without me. One of the girls in my group thought that was wrong of my teacher to do and she called my mom. My mom was wild. I was very badly hurt and disappointed so mom yanked me out of year end review screwing up the dance numbers I was in and made that old bitch of a teacher have to redo the dance numbers.

I never spoke to that woman again.


But from what I have witnessed for far.......................
Dance moms.....they are crazy!

I got nothing...

I don't have 5 nice things today.

I am about ready to fly. I'm about ready to sell my things...horses included and head to California.

Grrrrrr......

Shuffle Board?

It's not very often I remember dreams but last it was so vivid.

Not only do I snore...yes I do! I can admit that, but I do drool the odd time and I also talk in my sleep. I don't think I was talking, butrather singing.

I was playing shuffle board with two other people, one was guy who I went to school with many years ago, he moved away in about grade 6 or 7 I think, and I am now facebook friends with him. There was also another guy and he went to Rocanville School. I would see him every Thursday when they were bussed to my school for Industrial Arts classes, he was also an Air Cadet that my mom had in her Squadron and am Facebook friends with him too...anyway, the three of us were playing shuffle board and whom ever had the least amount of points after each round had to go outside in the cold (it was winter and snow on the ground) and sing a song on a stage....for everyone!

I continued to lose and because I am a HUGE George Michael Fan, all I would sing were Wham! songs or George songs.

Faith was the first one I started with, then Wake me up before you Go Go, then Freedom....after that I was asked to leave the building....hell, I didn't want to be playing shuffle board anyway!

58 of 365

1). an email from Wilma

2). Home made Sour Cream Chicken Soup

3). Paying off debt on the car.

4). Going for lunch with an almost stranger (only met him once before)

5). Getting tasks completed

There were....

Well, I just spend 5 great days with theatre friends. Some of whom I have not seen in years, some a few months, some a few days.

I managed to stay with Bruno and his better half and their four legged kids. It was wonderful. It was peaceful, it was great to be able to laze around and gab without having to talk over someone, or look over someone to talk. I had my own room!

The meals were fab. The company was comforting.

The Festival was chaotic at times. The plays were fantastic. The adjudicator - maybe a little off her rocker...but then who isn't really.

There were egos to be stroked and time outs to be had.
There was dancing to be done (or the lack thereof).
There was drinking and round table discussions.
There were fashion do's and fashion dont's.
There were discussions needing to be discussed.
There were awards to be won.
There were smiles to be had and giggles with tearshed....
There were Tums and Rolaids to be consumed.
There were pokers games to be dealt with.
There was Green Room food to be fondled and mucked around with.
and let's not forget the bets....

Would you sooner bet on an Anything, a Something, or an Everything.


Would I do it again....you bet....on an Everything. Everything that I did these past 5 days, I would definately do again.

(even the kitties)

57 of 365

1). Resting

2). Managing to get out of anything bets

3). Still being able to breathe after 5 days of non-stop second hand smoke

4). drugs to breathe with

5). pasta and sauce for supper

Ghost Hunting

I watched Paranormal State last night.

It is a favourite of mine and they are putting out feelers for people to become a part of the team.

I would love to be able to join them, however, there is a catch. The catch is that you must be living in or around the state of Pennsylvania...that sucks.

I. am. nowhere near. that state!

And when I think about it, eventhough I would love to be a part of a group like that, in all honestly, if I came across some paranormal activity....I would run screaming the other way! Have in the past, would surely run in the present!

I mean take the courthouse where Wilma and Queen of Halloween live. I would love to venture around in there, but I know damn well that if I was to "run" into something I would pee myself.

Seeing the old lady when I was small and finding the pictures under the Christmas tree the year my grandfather passed, finding all the cupboard doors in the kitchen open in the mornings, the ornaments that were pushed off the piano, the painting that would "jump off" the wall, the dog barking down the hallway while no one was there, the ornament angel always doing the 360 degree turn....all those things scared the hell out of me....and then I want to join this ghost hunting group? I must be on the crack.

Well, now that I have talked it out, rationalized this on black and white....I've come to the conclusion that maybe I won't join....not this year anyway!

56 of 365

1). Waking up and finding out whats causing my asthma in the morning!! YAY!

2). Standing my ground and feeling better about it.

3). Homemade beef sausages

4). Watching the last episode of Corner Gas and not crying.

5). Getting in touch with a long lost dear friend of mine.

Packed

Well, I am in a better frame of mind. (Thanks Ladies) I am packed and ready to go see Wilma, Bruno and all the other theatre nuts.

The little smurf turd is cleaned inside and out and gassed up ready to go. The snow tires...on!

My suitcase is packed...it is extremely full. I never know what to pack. The weather is SOOOO unpredictable this time of year. Two hours ago it was raining. Maybe in another two hours it will be snowing, maybe in the morning it will be +15!

Do you pack shorts or long johns!!?
Do you pack sweaters for halter-tops!?
Do you pack rubber boots or winter boots?!
Do you pack your winter coat or your vest?!

Holy Dinah!

I took the afternoon off from work today. My head is just not there.

I am supposed to be packing for an event that I have been looking forward to attending for quite some time, but my heart is not there.

I don't want to go.

What I really want to do is something I can be arrested for.

"Serenity now, serenity now"!


Ahhhhhh, this too shall pass.

At the bottom...my playlist is empty

I have nothing nice to say. I am not a happy person. I do not have 5 nice things to say.

I am miserable.

My birthday was yesteday and it ranked right up there with the death of my grandfather, with my inital shock of my getting a divorce, and my coming to grips with the fact I will never know my father.

It's not quite a death bed moment, but it ranks right up there and it will not soon be forgotten.

I am angry, sad, humiliated, and very very hurt.

I have given Legs his last rights and have informed him that until I get an apology we are through.

a⋅pol⋅o⋅gy 
Spelled Pronunciation [uh-pol-uh-jee]
–noun, plural -gies.
1.
a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another: He demanded an apology from me for calling him a crook.
2.
a defense, excuse, or justification in speech or writing, as for a cause or doctrine.
3.
(initial capital letter, italics) a dialogue by Plato, centering on Socrates' defense before the tribunal that condemned him to death.
4.
an inferior specimen or substitute; makeshift: The tramp wore a sad apology for a hat.

Yesterday was plain and simple.....hell. It was all I could do to tough it out and not flee.

I am a fleer....is that spelled right...ya know what I don't even care.

If something goes very very wrong and I get very uncomfortable, I run.

I wanted very badly to run yesterday, but I didn't I stayed put until after supper, then thanked my hosts, which were Legs' dad and his girlfriend and Legs' sister. I then promptly gathered my stuff and got the hell outta dodge.

Even as I type this, my ETD (Essential Tremor Disorder) is kicking in and typing is brutal.

Legs humilated me the night before (on the 11th) at the supper table infront of all and all I could think of was the time Millertime (the ex), was drunk at a party and we were sitting around the fire in the backyard, and he hit me hard enough that he knocked me over and I fell over a chair and hit the ground. I got up dusted myself off and walked home. I was broken inside.

The nightmare continued the next day (on the 12th). My birthday. Yesterday, I was broken and enough was enough.

Today, I am in my own. Today, I have had a chance to think things clearly and an ultimatum was the only thing that I could think of. I can not and I will not put myself through that shit again.

Not again. My sanity depends on it.

Happy Easter

I hope you all have a very Happy Easter.
xoxo

55 of 365

1). Chocolate
2). presents from Legs
3). presents. Period.
4). Plants you kept alive through winter
5). Spring!!!

Jinxed

I think I really did it this time. I jinxed myself but good.

I got myself a credit card just in case I run into trouble.

Well, I have. My car has really been giving me a run for my money. I am seriously in the pit. I am not impressed at all. I have spend almost a couple thousand on this damn car and to think last month, I was looking at a black ford focus, fully loaded, heated leather seats, a moon roof, and sirrius radio and my payments were gonna be less then 600. SIX HUNDRED and I've spent how much on my little blue smurf turd! Heaven help me.

Can anything else possible go wrong. I am working two friggin' jobs so I can get bills paid up and there is just one thing after another!

I shoulda bought the car.

54 of 365

1). Getting ready for TheatreFest

2). b-que steak....yummmm

3). early work day

4). being in a play again

5). remembering the pleasure/nervousness of being on stage

The Building of the Vessel

Ahhh, Body Builders.

The SABBA people had their novice body building championships here in the Border Town and my employer hosted the event.

Now, that I have witnessed their rituals or rather their routines on getting buff and ready for performance day. I am happy to say that I am proud to be soft and fluffy!

I can not imagine how the loved ones of these performers put up with their "stuff", in order to get ready for these events. Many of them haven't eaten or taken in any fluids, which means they are oxygen deprived, which means some of them are not too bright, well, just not "with" it. Is this really what happens in the Body Building world? Not all of them can do that, can they? I'm guessing they all have different training schedules. I'm baffled. Great bodies, but I'm baffled.

Can't be? Anyway....

The weekend went off really well. There were many competitors and the performances were amazing.

Kudos to them, to be able to have the ability and stamina to put themselves through that.

Where to begin...

Well, first of all I am glad to be alive.....ok, so I'm exagerating a little. It was an adventure though...
Three days ago, I was startled outta my wits by a larger than normal sized coyote, who not only went after the dog who was maybe 15 feet from me, and when I realized what was going on, grabbed the pitchfork and started after the two of them, the coyote turned from the dog and started out for me!

I have never in all my farm years, ever had a run in like that before.

The dog turned back and knocked the coyote in the butt, then the two of us ganged up on the coyote, chased him back int o the bush where there was another coyote waiting. So now, it was two against two. It was truly incredible.

The dog and I managed to chase the two coyotes back on to the lake ice, we then turned back to head up to the feedlot, where we were going to continue feeding, when the big coyote turned back and started for us again. Crazy.

He followed us up to the feedlot, springing up on his back legs to watch us. He stayed put for the remainder of the time the dog, horses, cows and I were there.

I went up to the house and pulled out the 410 rifle. I went back down, cuz this time I meant business and they pair of coyotes were gone.

The rest of the two weeks I was farmsitting was unevenful....thank goodness.

I did have to spend some money on the car. I had to get a new fuel pump and was rocked by a Co-op truck and now have a spider crack on my windsheid...

And, how was your week?

53 of 365

1). two weeks of stress - gone!

2). Bologna sammies with mustard and lettuce and mayo...on WHITE!.

3). A new haircut!!

4). A great workout

5). A great cup of Java in my TheatreSask to go cup!