Apparently

I'm trying to stay positive...I really am.

I can't seem to catch up with this new job change paying me less...way less then before...Im not a wealthy person.  I do live from pay check to pay check and that has only been lately as I have been socking the so called extra money I get into a retirement plan...do I get kudos for that...nope.  Hell I could take it out and spend it!!
I was just offered a way better paying job, one that I will enjoy.  I asked if I could work a 10 hour shift instead.  I was told no because of the way the business and staff work and instead was offered a dollar more...who can argue with that...apparently that is not good enough for some people.  IT can't get any better than that...and I can take days off to help with another catering job that pays great too!!

Not good enough...apparently. 

What I do get is a verbal shit kicking.  Does this at all help any situation??  I think not.  Does this make me feel like "well, then what the fuck am I doing then?"...you bet.

I feel like I first got married at 19 again.  I feel like a 12 year old having to account for every penny of my allowance...did I realize that getting a divorce would leave me pretty much homeless with no place to live much less food on the table...oh, wait, what table....I didn't have that either!!  I did not ask for any of that.  Hell, I didn't even have enough money to move back home!!

What I did do was learn how to get a job, rent a one bedroom apartment, get a bed, a table and a deep freeze.  Learn how to pay a bill - because that I did not even know how to do - and because I was the one at fault for the divorce, I am still paying for it.  Oh, my GOD, I am still paying for it.

I'm not asking others to help me out.  Never did, never will.

Do not continue to badger me about my finances.  I did not lead a charmed life.  I was not taught how to budget or figure out finances properly until I was in my mid 30's and holy crap, I think I am doing pretty damn good.....others may not think so, but I am self sufficient.  I am not asking for hand outs.  I am not living at a shelter.  I can stand on my own two feet thank you.  Stop telling me what  crappy job I am doing and instead let me know how well I am doing.  I know I still have debt.  It may take me many years to get rid of it all, but it's my debt.  I don't harp about yours or anyone else's.  I don't tell you what you need or want. 

I know that difference between needs and wants.

What I want is some kind gentle advice or help, maybe a pat on the back. 
What I don't need is to be preached or bitched at about it.

I tried...I really did.
I can't go home this weekend.
I have decided to take advantage of my certificates....the certificates that I have held for so many years...
I have found the one place I think will fit.

I got my pay check yesterday and have come to the conclusion that salary plus commission is not all it cracked up to be. I busted my butt for the last month an a half and I was shocked when I got my pay check.  Not only that but on commission you never know from one day to the next if your even gonna sell anything...and there is a company car here for use with one exception...I can't use it!?  As sales consultant, I have to drive to a couple of different towns...gas went up as well to $1.16/litre...so my travel time will be cut short. How am I to make sales if I can't get anything sold??      

 I don't know either.

I was offered a job yesterday for more pay and one that will be offering a consistent paycheck..no guess work.  It also involves something that I love to do which is cook, bake and decorate!...and Gordon Ramsay. 

I am giving it the weekend to think about this new job offer, since I am not going home due to the lack of funds from the pay at my recent job.  I was disappointed as was my mom.  I have called the realtor and she is going over to my Uncles to assess the house.

In the meantime....I am heading over this afternoon to take another stab at cake decorating, baking and chocolate cigar wrapping...

Going home

Im going to try to hit for home this weekend. I am about to put up my Uncles house and property for sale. I've had it with the family and their incredible stupidity in this whole crappy situation. Since I am the executor of the Estate, I am making theeee final decision. My mom and myself have done nothing but pay for this and the dead man is still laughing from the grave... See ya on the other side Uncle Billy...I have a few things to say....