January clean up

Today is a little better. I still have not yet located my smile. I think it may still be under the Christmas tree. I may find it once its put away. My girl is having surgery this morning and I will be able to pick her up after dinner. I am trying to get all things tidied and in order before she comes home so I can spend some sympathy time with her later today.

The laundry is underway, the floors swept, now its time to tackle the decorations. I may just leave the hand made snow flakes up though.

I will call the hospital later today to check on mom...it makes me laugh when I call...there is always someone there visiting...that's a good thing.

I am slowly packing for the trip to Mexico although my heart is not there to go yet. Its less than a month away....where does the time go!?

No name

I've sent in my resume to I don't know how many people. My tranny on the escape has decided to give me grief - thank you warranty! My mother is having open heart surgery on what looks like now Tuesday, my horse died, and now my dog broke her leg. Is this my fault I ask?

Is any of this my fault? Bad karma maybe but never asked for. Im sick to fucking death of trying to please every one and trying to be the good guy. Im sick to death of others shit attitute. Hey, I'm just trying to get through one more fucking day. Get off my back, treat me with some respect. If I'm such a pain in the ass then let me know so I can fix that. If I'm such a miserable SOB to work with then let me know so I can fix that. If I'm such an idiot, then let me know so I can fix that..don't know if that can be fixed...? If I'm not pulling my weight or if I am being a burden then by all means, let me fix that.

The boss says Fairy, take the day off tomorrow and get your self together. Really? What more can I possible get together? No matter what I touch, no matter what I say or feel, I am falling apart and no happy pill in the world is gonna help me get back together.



I'm sick of having others have a shit day or shit news and treating me like this is all my doing. I'm sick of travelling with moody road partners, I'm sick of being told what is mine and what isn't . I'm sick, fed up and have had it. I double dog dare just one more person to make my day a disaster with their attitude or crap words. I demand respect and kindness. I want it and I want it from now on. Period.

I'm stressed out, a nervous wreck and ready to fly....so DON'T piss me off. I really, really, from the bottom of my heart, mean it.

..... and on top of it all...these feelings really scare the hell out of me.

Happy New Year

Well, December 4, 2010 was a great time. I attended Busters Christmas Party which was held at the River Cree in Edmonton. We ate, gambled and had some lovely refreshments! I gambled away all the winnings that Buster was making!!

My Christmas party was December 12th, 2010. We ended up going to a restaurant for food and drink. It was a nice time but very, very tame compared to Busters!!

I have had it at work and am now on the hunt for a new job here in Veg. I have put in for so many jobs that I am losing count! I am hopeful though that something will come along.

Buster came home with me on the 22nd and was introduced to all of my weird and wacky friends and family. The 25th came and mom was taken to the hospital due to shortness of breath while Angle and I played Santa and Elf to all the residents of the hospital and lodge and nursing home.

The 27th Buster and I came home and two days later mom was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia and rapid heart beat...its now the 3rd of January and she is now in the city hospital with a leaky heart valve and booked in for open heart surgery late this week. I will take a drive down once I know more. Yesterday my beloved horse of 26 glorious wonderful years passed away and that was the icing on the cake....

I lost it Berline yesterday....poor Buster I don't think knew what to make of it all.
With the crap going on at work, me trying to find a job, mom being very sick and then the horse dying, well that was all I could take.

Today is a better day.

I'm not sure though that if I lose my mom just what will happen to me. I have Buster...I think I'll keep him but mom is the last of my immediate family. I will then ultimately be 100% alone.

I just keep my chin up and keep my spirits up talking to mom. I have to. My heart hurts to much to think of the worst.

Tomorrow will be another day..tomorrow will be a better day.