Prayers

Well, the next step from here is up.

Im cranky, upset, and just don't want to be here at this job any more. I have given three years, and for what?
I have been disrespected by the tech and stage manager on more than one occasion...nothing has ever been done. They tech manager is padding his hours...what?...yes, he still works here.
The stage manager is rude, and obnoxious and that is to clients as well. He decided to use one of my ornaments as a hammer to "tack" down a piece of tile that was sticking up in the office and broke my ornament. Too lazy to get a hammer? I know, let's use one of Fairy Mae's things to use...I don't like her anyway...
I have been asked to leave the stage area on more than one occasion, eventhough I was in there to do my job. I have been bullied long enough.
I can not continue this. I mentally can not take the crap anymore. When I bring this up to the former acting manager, who is a board memeber, I get "we'll look into it." When Rodney broke my ornament and they all stood there and watched, I got "you sould be use to him by now." I didn't get an apology...nothing.

I have informed my new boss, that I am checking out. I will no longer be nice to Rodney, so don't look for it, don't expect it. I am looking for another job.

It makes me very sad to know that I went from loving this job, all the marketing ideas, the avenues it opened, the great people I have met along the way, the childhood mentors I was able to meet like Valdy and Tommy Hunter, my love for music, theatre and dance - gone. Soured. Made all possible first and foremost, by two assholes that still and I would imagine will always work here, chasing away the people who want to work here, want to be here. Soured, from working my ass 12 hours straight for three or more weeks in a row, no thank you, kiss my ass, or go to hell, with no relief help, soured from endless gas mileage from not having any days off...just fed up and soured.

Its just too sad and it breaks my heart.

Thank you Rodney and John for being such a pain in my lily white ass for 3 years...you have earned it. I hope you make others around miserable until the board finally realizes its you, and then justice will prevail.

Amen...

Ten Commandments

I understand the ten commandments.

The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:2-17)
1	“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.
2	“You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments.
3	“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
4	“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.
5	“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
6	“You shall not murder.
7	“You shall not commit adultery.
8	“You shall not steal.
9	“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
10	“You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's

Does this cover not having any chocolate, potato chips, candy or pop, popcorn with butter and salt, or an extra helping of potatoes and gravy ?

Drama

I want to be a kid again because the only drama I faced was every once in awhile my Barbie's head would pop off.

Billy The Exterminator

I had a night off last night!!!

I was pretty excited...the GM said "go home Fairy Mae..." and Fairy Mae left on a dead run out the door.

I thought Buster and I could catch a bit of Billy when I got home, but alas they were all re-runs...

Im kinda stuck of some of that reality TV...its a shame really, but thats all thats ever on anymore when I get home.

The Amazing Race, Survivor, Billy, Hell's Kitchen, Kitchen Nightmares...ugggh. Can it be?

I really love Big Bang Theory but I can never catch it on time. Bones, Lie to Me, Law & Order UK and Los Angeles. I find if I miss too many, I can't catch up...

Do I really watch that much? I admit that I do have the TV on most of the time, but lots of times I am doing something else in another room and like it on for noise sake.

I did watch a movie the other day with a dog as the main character. I was about to change the channel when my dog, Effie caught sight of it and then I had to leave it there for her to watch. Since when does a dog lay infront of the TV and watch a two hour movie?

Seriously.

Something's Got to Give....

My days turn into evenings here at work...there has been a new GM, but nothing seems to be changing.

I'm burnt out, grouchy and have started to look for other job opportunities...it makes me so sad because I really do love my job. Last night I had yet another childhood dream fulfilled and knowing that this may never happen any more literally breaks my heart.

The GM is here, but seems to not be able to stand her ground in rule changes around here. She wants to impliment them but with such a strong presence around us, it seems like the light at the end of the tunnel grows farther and farther away. I am not sure how much more of these long, long days I can put in mentally and I know the new GM, won't stand for it. My worries are now that we seem to be at a stand still, she will quit.

I have my performance review on Monday and I am skeptical at this point that there will be changes. The GM knows where I am coming from but if I don't see changes to my work schedule and a raise then I really will have to put my nose to the grind and find another job...and that, I am not looking forward to.

Ugh.

November 11, 2010

For you.....

Ranting: conversations in a group

Ive noticed a while ago that when I attend a function, a gathering, or a group large or small, that if I am not included in the conversation, I end up zoning out or walking away.

You can't be mad at me because I've done my best to fit in with a nod or a grunt...you can't fault me for zoning out or walking away...you've done nothing to me? I've done nothing to you!

So, why get annoyed with me when you don't get the answer from me you want when I have no idea what you were talking about. I may have been there in body but unless you look at me when talking to others and include me in that particular conversation, then and only then will I indulge in the gathering, group or likewise...geez

I'm getting used to not being included in conversations, gatherings and so forth...does it bother me? A little. It makes me feel invisible. It makes me feel like in not worthy of your time.
If it makes me feel like that, why stay? If it makes me feel bad about myself and makes me feel useless, why would I allow myself to stay in that situation. You don't want to talk to me and include me, thats your deal, but don't get pissy when I do it to you! Kinda hurts the soul a wee bit.

SO think about it in your next group type setting....make sure you say hi to everyone and include them in your conversation, even if you don't know their names. They are there for a reason.

Make them feel welcome too.

WOW!

Ok, so the Paw is officially and painfully over. The next play to be pulled off is this weekend at the seniors centre..."On Golden Pond".

I just came back from yet another year of theatre. The One act Festival called TheatreOne was held in Melfort over the weekend. 9 plays over 3 days. It was a great little mini vacation. I was able to stay with Peanut all weekend and was also able to hang out with Dave & Moe as well. The only thing that I had a wee bit of a problem with, well two problems really, was that I had a shadow who followed me most places...and the other was taht I didn't get to see a whole lot of Wilma.

I was also a little perturbed about a few things along the way as well, but this too shall pass. The great thing about is, that I only see some of these people once a year and I am not married to them which is even better, so once is enough.

There is one person there that is really starting to rub me the wrong way. He is a smart ass 24/7 and has really only stupid stories to tell. I never know if he is really serious about topics he talks about...is his home life really that bad that he has to cover as a smart ass all the time? Im not sure, but the less I ran into him over the weekend the happier I was.

Peanut and I did manage to smooze a few wee drinkies out of 4 hockey players while in the hot tub and was quite happy when it was time to get out.

All in all though, it was a fab weekend and this December its going to be Christmas at my house with Peanut and Wilma...I can't wait!

WOW!!!!
My two best friends in the world are comin!

The Monkey's Paw

Tonight is full dress rehearsal for a very scattered cast and crew. I've got directors coming from every which way and tomorrow is thee day!

I am at the point to where I'm not too sure about the whole thing. It seems this poor play was cursed from the very get go and nothing seems to be working for us still.

Our little actors have memorized until they are blue in the face. I've had committed actors memorizing the script but never showing up for practice, yet of all the rehearsals that we have had, they seem to be pulling it off when they do show, but are now throwing the other actors off because the others just got used to them not being there....sigh. Did I mention the cast before this one buggared off to do Rocky!!??

I've got one actor whispering lines to everyone and late for her own, I've got the lights man telling me which chair the main actor should sit in, I've got my props lady coming over to me and pointing out to me that the actors are not following the stage directions that are in the book! AARRGGGHHHH...too many directors and not enough actors. Oh, did I mention that the little high school student who was supposed to run lights, never did show up and when he did, he wanted me to sign the paper to his teacher saying he WAS there for all the rehearsals!! That didn't happen! I'm hoping he failed!

I am now doing sound, prompting, set construction and making damn good and sure there is a double caesar waiting for me in the wings when its all over!!!

I am praying that they will have a great run tonight.

You're right! I don't get it!

So, if everyone else gets sympathy cards signed by the office when their loved ones pass on and I am one of them that signs my name to the card,(being office staff and all)...how come I didn't get one when there was a death in my family?

I don't get it?

Happy Hallowe'en!

Rocky's Paw

Well, the time is getting closer for the RHPS Party here at work. I thought that I would be able to enjoy watching it, but have ended up choreographing the time warp, running on and off stage with props and doing floor show make up.

Its been a pretty good time so far. the nights however, for rehearsal have been very late ending and I'm finding my butt is starting to drag...
The Paw rehearsal's have been very disappointing for me. The actor's are great, its the people who feel the need to give me their two cents that are driving me to the boiling point. I have the set designer who natters at me the whole time, and the lights man!! The lights man? Why is he not up in the booth? Ugh. Final rehearsal is on Tuesday and the law will be once again laid. All we can do now is go up!

This next weekend is one act festival and I can not wait for it. I have a travelling companion with me, so it won't seem like such a long drive!

This weekend will be full of tricks and treats.....hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Great day

So Buster and I headed to Edmontonius to attend an Adult trade show. We weren't sure what we were getting ourselves into but once Buster paid our entry fee, we were pleasantly surprised by all the booths, shows, chocolate!, and dildos!

There were booths from hot tubs, to blow up dolls, to lube, to a porn star autograph signing, to cars, to you name it, it was there.

It was one of the best days that I have spent with Buster.

After we saw all we saw!, we then headed to an electronics store and picked up a HUGE tv, headed over to a great restaurant and ended the night with installing the tv while eating an ice cream treat from dairy queen!!

It truly was a fab day.

Buster has since headed back up north to work. He has been home the last almost 3 weeks getting the harvest off. Its been so nice to have him home every night.
He makes me laugh, smile and he makes me very happy.

When he returns home, Kiddo will be here too which will be fantastic as it will be Halloween. Halloween is one of my absolute favourite days. I love decorating the house, carving the pumpkins and handing out treats to kids. With Kiddo being here, it will make it all that more exciting! Kiddo has decided to dress up as a brown cow this year...this makes me giggle. She has this infectious laugh and great smile that lights up the room. I cant wait to see her in it.

70

HAPPY 70th BIRTHDAY MOMMY!!!

what's worse?

Im 39 years old and to this day I am pretty sure being disappointed in someone is far worse than being mad at them.

Lately I have been plenty disappointed and only some mad. Every time I turn around I see someone having a melt down over something so trivial that affects me personally and I really am not sure how to deal with it other then by just walking away. The problem of me walking away is that then the situation never gets addressed and low and behold, it happens again.

I am really getting tired of being put in my spot over things that are really so stupid. I feel hurt, used, stupid and belittled. I don't pull that shit on others so why do they think its ok to continue to do it over and over to me? Im guessing its because I do just walk away, but really why fight back over something soooo ridiculous? I do believe that after a time I should be apologized to, but that happens few and far between and when I do get an "Im sorry", it is full of nothingness so why bother saying it unless you do really mean it.

Whether I am at home or at work, all I want is to be treated with respect, not to be taken for granted, which is what I see happening and if your having a bad day, take it somewhere else because what happens is when you lash out a me for stupid crap that happens in your day, I just happen to hold grudges and do expect an apology and will remember what happen previously and that my friends will make me all that more cautious around you....if I know that I was in the wrong then by all means I will apologize and make a note to self, never to do that again, so why is it, it continues to with me?

Rehearsal

Well, after cancelling out for festival, I think we finally have our group of 8.

We were trying to gather the 8 people who committed to doing The Paw for festival in November. Then Rocky Horror pops up and I went frio 8 to ZERO!

I had to phone head office to cancel out of Festival, got a talking to from the E.D. who rubs me the wrong way on a good day and barked back at her only to realized that not only can I not go to festival but the play is advertised in the season brochure AND, found out that the schools here were taking it in their reading curriculum and selling the house for a 10:30 AM performance out while STILL I had Zero actors.

Slowly, I gathered up 4 out of 5 actors. I still needed a dad. I found him last week. I was giving myself until the end of September to do this play.

I'm pissed at myself for losing sleep over the damn thing, I am pissed that many went over to RHPS and couldn't "DO" both....there are no lines to learn in Rocky and pissed that there is another sub group of the Players doing a show for the seniors at the same time of The Paw.

So...in the meantime, I have had a get together with all the Players and sorted this fiasco out. We have all agreed, because we went from 9 to 35 people overnight basically, that we need more communication....ya think?

This spring we are in the works for "See How They Run"...which thankfully will not be diirected by me...Im soured and need a break. I may however, take a roll in it. I think it could be awfully fun!

But in the meantime, rehearsal last night went great and we have come a long way baby!!

Five Alarm Pizza

Well, the girls here at work, plus myself decided to have the very hard left over pizza for dinner.
Gwen: "How long should I heat this for?"
Me: "Oh, about 3 minutes."

Gwen walks away in to her office leaving me, Blanche and Berline in the box office.

I am plating a piece of pizza for myself while the other two girls are on the phone.

Me: "What's Burning??"
ALL: OMG The pizza is on fire!"

I run over to the microwave, open the door only to pull out one piece of SMOKIN' pizza.

With smoke everywhere in the box office, Gwen running to grab...of all things the aerosol air freshner can, which was being sprayed by her, I am running the plate of fired up pizza to the tap to douse it with water and as for the college....well, at least the sprinklers didn't go off....only the fire alarms!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA......

Well, needless to say, we cleared the college....What day is it again?

October

Its fall, my favourite season. Watching all the leaves turn beautiful oranges and yellows. Its great horse back riding weather. The colts are brought in off their mothers and we can start working with them.

The combing is in full swing.

When I was little, I always enjoyed helping grama fix the lunches for the men on the field. Their faces black with dirt, their hands spackled with grease, and their clothes dusty and dirty and the smell coming from the freshly combined rows was like I had died and gone to heaven.

This is the season to get the last of the hay bales off the flat. This is the time for canning, pulling the rest of the veggies out of the garden. This is the time for Thanksgiving....October is a good month.

HUH!??

How on God's Green Earth can they possible mistake MY office for Health Services???

When you first come to my office, you see a door PLASTERED with posters of up coming events.
Not only that, but by my door is another cork board filled with more events and a prop table with props on it!

When you look inside you will meet a knight that stands about 5 feeet high and yes he is in shining armour!

You will then see my desk and leaning up against that desk is a parking sign that says "Drama Queen Parking".

You will then see all the little artsy fartsy things placed on my desk and you will see beautiful abstract oil/acrylic paintings on my highly coloured walls...

IN NO WAY, SHAPE, or FORM, do you see anything remotely similar to a health services office!!

BUT, they come in droves they do!
They come and saunter in and ask where the nurse is!

I look at them behind my desk, at my computer and over my glasses and ask them if I look like Health Services...

I am however, thinking of going into the props department and finding a doctors or nurses costume, changing into it and grabbing the HUGE syringe, filling it with water and yelling "Next" out my door!

Any suggestions??

Rocky Horror Picture Show Party

October 30, 2010
Celebrating 35 years of the cult classic.
I can't wait...
Oh by the way Wilma, I finally got the show watched...

What to do, what to do?

Since my uncle passed, I have taken it upon myself to keep his carpenters ring. Its a nice ring with a ruby and a diamond on it. Aunt Petunia knows I have it and really, I am not prepared to give it up to her. There are two places it will end up and Im ready to fight for the ring.

It will either end up pawned or in the cairn we are currently building for my grama, grapa and now uncle.

Remember: grama and grapa are still in my room at the farm!

Auntie Petunia has asked mom to get it from me....mom's asked me and my answer was "she ain't gonna get it".

I also have a meeting with the two people that I hate on Tuesday. Just me and four others...my gut is already twisting in knots. Thank goodness though for this blog as I have all dates documented...!!! Proof is a good thing.

Wake me up when September ends

September is always such a hard month for me, and for my mom.

This is the month of my grapa's birthday...Happy Heavenly Birthday. This is also the month of my grama's death.

Two people who mean so very much to me. Two people who I can't hardly wait to see again. I know my heart shouldn't be heavy, but it is soooo terribly heavy. The pain is almost unbearable. So with that I try hard to keep myself busy, try to think of only the best and muddle through the month..thank goodness its almost done.

National Day

Elephant Appreciation Day

Life lesson #1

If life throws you lemons....bring out the Tequila!!

Survivor

Yay! A new season of one of my favourite reality tv shows are back on again....yup....Survivor!!

Yes, I am one of thossssse people. I also really, really enjoy and laugh the hell out of myself over Wipeout.

Wipeout makes me cry, I laugh so hard. The big red bouncy balls do it for me every time.


Gotta love the balls!

Lake Louise

Happy Heavenly Birthday Grapa!!!

I miss you everyday!

I love you.

Rant - Intuition

Today, I am heading out with 5 other strangers to a Leadership Sypmosium. I know only 2 out of the 5. Does that mean I should not go?

I am on Twitter and have 71 people following me...I maybe know 3, I don't know the rest....does this mean I should cancel my account since I don't know the other 68 people?

I am on Blogger and have some beloved blogger friends and have not met many of you face to face, should I block you from reading my blogs? HELL NO!

Which leads me to facebook.
I am the creator or 4 pages and have over 3 hundred friends. Some acquaintances, some co-workers and some game players...some I do not know. Being the creator of 4 pages with over 6 hundred people on all four of them, some I do not know, does this mean that I make them not like the page cuz of my profile on it?

If you don't like that new people come into my life everyday, then I guess I better stay home this week and not get into a car with 5 other people. I guess I better tell my boss that I can't run 4 pages anymore and that I better stay in the house with the blinds closed and the car in the garage.

My other point is this.

I have a really good gut intuition. If my gut is telling me to run!, I run! If my gut is telling me these are good people, then they are good people.

Two people made me feel really bad about myself last night and when I defended myself and gave examples to both of them about what they do on these social networks, that what they do is essentially the same thing, this conversation made all these horrible feelings come back. Feelings that I swore I would never have again in my lifetime.

Im really hurt, that these two people, have the gall to tell me what is right and what is wrong when they have no room to talk.

I had these garbage feelings come back, the ones that landed me at the farm for a week, seeing a doctor who had to prescribe me happy pills so I wouldn't jump off the bridge.

How dare you make me feel that way!

If you don't like what I am doing then you can "de-friend, de-follow, and de-blog" me! I am doing nothing wrong. Nothing!

So, get off my back, take a look at yourself. You are no different then I am.

Get a grip!

Home sick

Where have the days gone?

The time went by so fast.

Its September and the leaves are changing, the wind is a little chillier and the animals are starting to hair up for the cold months that lie ahead.

The days are getting shorter which is making my internal clock want to hibernate and stay under the covers for just that one...more...minute longer!

I am a little home sick though, I am missing the September horse back rides through the beautifully coloured trees, stopping along the way to take pictures of the nature that surrounds me. I am missing the smell of the wet wood as we ride. I am missing the laughter and the fun my cousins and I had riding horseback, running flat out across the open prairie and looking down at my horses mane flowing back and touching my hand that holds the rein. I miss our giggling while we coax our horses to jump over fallen logs...yes, I am home sick.

Maybe I can get home for that one last ride before the snow flies.

Say Good Bye.

Good Bye Uncle Billy.
I love you.

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night. Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And you, my father, there on that sad height, Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Dylan Thomas

Two signs

Well, I just got off the phone with Angle and she is all freaked out.

I finally broke down and told mom about my vision. After she hung up from me on the phone they all asked her why she was crying and she told them that I saw grama and grapa. Angle spoke up and said, that she saw them too. Mom never told Angle what I said to her and told Angle to call me right away.

Grama and grapa told her too that they were here to take home their sick little boy and they too had their arms held out. I could hear mom in the background crying.

They were so real, I mean they looked so solid to me...and to Ang.

They were both smiling and they both told us the same thing.

That's pretty cool in my books.

I feel better that she too saw them.

I feel better that they really are waiting for him.

It's now only a matter of time before Uncle Billy leaves us free of pain and hurt and heads toward Grama and Grapa waiting for him on the other side.

A sign

My Uncle Billy is not well. He has been an alcoholic all of his adult life. We knew his liver was shutting down and was to go to Regina on Monday. Yesterday however, he totally stunned us all by having a massive heart attack and is now in recovery in a coma on life support. I am on pins and needles at home waiting to hear from the majority of the family who went up this morning to get the low down from the doctor.

Last night when I went to bed, I had a rather an odd thing happen. As we all know I am a complete believer of the spirit world, have seen my fair share of ghosts, have witnesses numerous phenomenon. I was laying in bed and not quite asleep but not awake either. Not one, but both grama and grapa stood beside me last night....I knew what that meant. I asked them why they were here and both grama and grapa, grama wearing her jeans and pink sweatshirt and grapa was wearing his work pants, plaid shirt and blue ballcap, both with out stretched arms said they were ready for Bill. They had come to "take him home". I remember just laying very still in bed, hoping they would give me more. Grama smiled and said she was here to take her sick little boy home. It was his time.


That was it. Nothing more.

I am sad today because I know that he won't be coming out of his coma. I am however, content with the fact that my beloved grandparents are waiting for him.

I sit here and wait for the phone to ring. It's not quite dinner time yet and I already know the outcome.

Two weeks

Well, I just nicely got back from two weeks of holidays.

Buster, Kiddo and I headed to the mountains. This was a new thing for all of us. Our first holiday together...all three of us....together.....

We survived....Buster and his lack of communication, Kiddo and her non listening skills and me, the basket case!

We got it all ironed out and it was fabulous. I am looking forward to another adventure - minus the in law drama, their camper, their truck and their bullshit in general. We learned a lesson that we will never, never borrow anything of theirs again and actually realized that in the long run it would have been cheaper to rent a cabin with a kichenette and so forth. I did however take some fantastic pictures.

This past week I spent at the farm.
I have an uncle that is dying from alcoholism....everything is shutting down and it will be only a matter of time before I attend his funeral. In the meantime, he has three children which eventually lost contact with him because of his drinking, he preferred the bottle over his kids. One however, came home this past week to mend fences with the whole family. She brought her two kids and camped out at the farm and we had a great time. She decided that she would go in and visit her dad/my uncle. When we first walked in he didn't know her. He has had no contact with her for over 25 years....but when she told him who he was...well, the water works kicked in and it made a dying man very happy.

The last few days at the farm were very trying for me. Angle and her husband Lorne with three kids also camped out at the farm. He had a temper tantrum many times throughout the week and all those times I kept my mouth shut. The day before I went home was the day the shit finally hit the fan. He threw his last one around me. I said two words to the lot of them and they packed up and left. He was whining because he wanted to go to the lake and there was too much to do at the farm due to rain two days before. There was about 1/2 mile of fence that needed tending too and he just didn't want to be there so he made life miserable. I put my hammer down and told them all to "go". The second time I said it, tears were then streaming down my face and they then left.

This left my mom, who is 70 and my self to build and fix a fence. We worked from 10am and got into the house a little after 7pm. Of course, Angle called her mommy, who then called my mommy, who then proceeded to tell me to calm down and talk to Angle...well, I just wasn't ready to hear the sob story and the excuses....now, because I allowed myself to be mad, I am the bad guy. because I am not ready to listen to the bullshit, I am the bad guy. These past few days after pounding with the sledge over 25 fence posts and putting up a millions miles of barbed wire, page wire and pounding in staples...I am not quite ready to talk to anyone yet. My hands are still swollen and thank heaven I have a tetnus shot!

These two weeks of holidays were very eventful.....

Can't wait til next year!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......

Rocked!

Well, Bon Jovi and Kid Rock were great!!

I didn't think I would really like Kid Rock but he is a really good entertainer!

Of course Bon Jovi was GRRREAT! He has beautiful teeth!

I had Buster's birthday party and things went fairly well. I think everyone enjoyed themselves. I was a little stressed due to the fact that there were sooooo many little kids there. I am not used to little kids and there were 7 there, I think! There were alot in any case. I don't like it when people show up and let others look after their kids. Buster's sister-in-law did that and Im not their mom, so therefore, look after your kids!

I'll look after my own but it up to others to watch theirs....ugh.


We are getting ready to go on holidays and I am quite excited about it. I can't wait.

I'm also pretty excited about heading over to Wilma's for the weekend. I only wish Buster was home to go with. I am checking my four legged kid into the doggy hotel for two nights and am taking my lawn chair and some kind of meat and beverages. I haven't quite decided...steak and chicken or ribs....hmmmmm

Rock Star Hair

Getting ready for the Rock Concert!!
HA!
I got up this morning and half did my hair...just enough to get me to work, then when I go home this afternoon, I can finish it off forthat Rock Star look.

I was talking with my co-workers telling them about this concert and where it was. They started laughing.

Apparently, the concert is outdoors......SO.

This changes things. Eventhough, it is July, the weather here is rain. rain, and more rain. I will be taking the following:
Gloves, umbrella, winter jacket, touque, scarf, winter boots....I WAS going to wear rock star non-existant wear, but that's not going to happen...

I am however, planning on head banging it out in style though...bring on the big hair!

Well, for awhile anyway....

GM

The new GM started today here at my place of lovely work!

Im not sure about her...yet.

She was inquiring about MY job a few months ago and was told that the position was filled and was not about to come open. End of that.

Now, she has applied for the GM position here and is now my new boss.

I am curious as to how this is gonna play out.
Will she tell me how to do my job? Suggestions are fine, you can ask me but DO NOT tell me.
Will she stay out of my area? If she doesnt thats ok, gimme some input, but once again, I know my job, love my job so leave me to do my job.

I am presently, working on the new brochure for this season. I am uninspired right at the moment and am scrapping the whole thing and starting over.

We have some great talent lined up.
I am trying very hard to get Wilma's birthday twin, Bif Naked to come to perform here but she is not touring the month we need her to come. We are still opimistic though....she seems to be a genuine person and that is a good thing!

We are also getting three people who I have been after to come for quite some time as well and that is Valdy and Gary Fjellgaard. Two grass roots folk singers and the brother of Nat King Cole, Mr. Freddy Cole who's voice is spellbinding! I can't wait.

We are also getting The Arrogant Worms, who I have been wanting for awhile too. My wish list this year was granted!

YAY!

Awwwww.....

So, I was complaining to Buster how he never gets me anything and it's time that he got me a present!

He did!!!!!

Two tickets to Bon Jovi and Kid Rock!!


WOOHOO!!!!


Should I dress back in the 80's to go to this with the high bang hair or should I just go "in the now"?


Thank you Buster!!!!
It's a great present!!!!

Dealing

I'm not sure how to deal with a few things going on, I don't want to say in my life, cuz that sounds too dramatic, but my gut is telling me to be very, very careful.

I'm having a birthday party for Buster on Friday and I am going to be surrounding myself with alot of people that I personally do. not. trust.

My gut is almost in a knot and I am pretty close to being sick about it. I have all these people coming over who have not been very considerate of myself or Buster and still are called "friends" and "famliy".

They are trouble makers, two-facers, liars, and back-stabbers and I have personally got rid of those types of people in my life years ago. I try to surround myself with happy, positive and welcoming, sensitive humans.

I'm actually shaking as I type this, I have gotten myself in such a tizzy. I should know better, but because I offend easily by stupid people, I am on the defensive.

Instead, I will put on a happy face cuz it is for Buster and make the most of it. I only need to be nice, cordial, and only need to give as much as I am given.

I feel really bad that these people that are in Busters life, accept him, of at least I think they do, I have been fooled before, and I have tried to be courteous and polite and still get slapped in the face. They say they are happy for him, that he is finally happy and that I am a warm welcome, but they sure have a funny way of showing it, and Buster is caught int he middle and I hate it. I see in the future a choice may have to be made, but for now, all will be left....simmering.

Because everyone will be at my house, on my territory so to speak, I will give them one last chance. I only do this, because I do love Buster and these people have always been in his life good and bad. So, here goes....

I can not lose sleep over this......

Soooo......

So, what the hell was that about?

Wilma is right...

Tuesday...

Last night, I got a text from the ex about 6pm....6pm!!

Such an asshole. Anyway, that being said, he told me he was swamped with work...sure, ok, and would call me back ASAP! HA!

I will be placing the line bill on the windshield of his truck tomorrow.


Tuesday, is a little better. One of my Great Uncles past away on July 2nd. The man was 91! He was funny, smart and really, really witty! Being an only child, my mom and I along with my grama, headed to Strasbourg ALOT when I was small. I was always with those great aunts and uncles. I never played with the other kids....they kinda scared me...too rowdy and ALWAYS getting into trouble and I really didn't like having my ass tanned on a regular basis, so I didn't go with them, but stayed behind to help out in the kitchen, I mean really, how much help can a 5 year old do!!??

Ok, so I hung out with Great grandpa by the radio and we watched the women prep for...I don't know what, but we were always eating!

My one particular great aunt is not talking to my mom. She hasn't spoken to her since my grama died in 2007, and its over the dumbest thing! We were really, very close to this great aunt too. She stopped talking to my mom, cuz my mom still has my grama's ashes. My mom isn't ready to let go of grama yet, so leave her alone! Whatever.

Anyway, Great Uncle Fred passed away on the 2nd. He will be dearly missed by everyone. He always had a smile on his face and cracked a joke. I'm being selfish right at this moment, but when he gets to heaven, I hope he says Hi to my grama and grapa for me. I went to Uncle Fred's facebook page and there are a few requests on it for him to say hi to various people....he has alot to do up there!!

I also took the initiative today and facebooked the DHV an invitation to Buster's birthday party next Friday. I think its in advance enough.....I guess we'll see!

I'm quite doubtful if any come. My faith in them is not good. My trust in them is nill. My optimism is half empty.

They better prove me wrong!

I can't be nice much longer.

Well where do I start....

The weekend was full of....full of....ummmm. Huh, where do I start....let's start with Friday night.

Buster's mom gave me two free tickets that she won to the H2 Rodeo. Im not a big rodeo fan but like the beer gardens. Way more action in there than in the arena!

Once I got home Friday from work, I was gonna sit on the couch and watch the boob tube. I then texted Buster to see what he was doing and told him I was pondering about going to the rodeo to hook up with the Desperate Housewives of Veg. He encouraged me to go, so I did.

I drove out to H2 and stumbled around trying to find the DHV. There they were. A white truck was backed up, with the tail gate open. I know a tail gate party when I see one. So I walked up, said hi and just stood there. I'd say there was about 20 people around it, only three women that I knew. The three said hi, the one came and asked if I wanted to get a beer with her so away we went.

When we got back, the rodeo was over and the women were gathering things up and they all hopped in the truck leaving me and the other gal standing there. The truck stopped and Poverty opened the door and asked if T wanted a ride over to their camp....ummmm.....I was with T. They only asked T if she wanted a ride.....ummmm...can I come to?

Ok, so mood set. I knew where I stood. T told them that she would walk with me over to the camp site.

Now, really, do you think for one minute, I want to go over there and stay and partay?

So, let's recap.
1). Invited to a DHV candle/Arbonne/food/Jockey party and dissedby Arbonne lady.
2). Thinking about making good, deciding to host a party by inviting all - no one showed.
3). Getting a call from T's mom and giving me hell for not going to her jockey/candle party.
and now
4). Not being asked if I wanted to go to the campsite with them...

Am I being too black and white here?

I just don't think I fit in with these women. I really don't and I feel bad cuz Buster is friends with their husbands, but I just don't think like they do.

SO, I walked with T to the said campsite and the same 20 people were there and when I was done looking at my surroundings, I found that I was standing alone. Everyone was on one side and I, just I on the other. I felt like that out cast little kid in grade one that nobody liked. No one introduced themselves to me and when I approached them, I tried to introduce myself but that fell on deaf ears....I walked away...I left.

I felt like I was intruding.

I then told T that I was heading home and would come on Saturday night....I never went and on my facebook wall, Poverty asked where I was on Saturday and I felt like saying "who cares".

Saturday, I went to a Theatre meeting in Edmonton.
The meeting went fine until the end of it when I had to leave Edmonton.

I got lost.

I called Buster and he and his room mate talked me out of there. I was pissed off, nervous and hungry by the time I got home.

I got home about 7:30 and decided to go for the mail.

What I got in the mail was a bill from the phone company for a line that was dug on my ex's family farm...yup. I got the bill.

I don't even live there AND it was just dug this past month! We split officially in August 09 but were done wwwway before that.

Sunday, was a day of rest.

Today - Monday, I called the phone company, my lawyer, and the ex.

Now, let's see what happens.


Happy Monday to you!

Parking and camping

Well, Buster, Kiddo and I are booked in to go camping!

Yup.

We booked 3 nights at Lake Louise, 3 nights at Banff then off to Drumheller for 2 nights, then home.

We leave end of July and are back mid August....

I have never gone camping in a 24 foot trailer before. To me, thats almost cheating. To me, camping is either tenting or going in one of those soft top canvas, hard bottom trailers. That is the way mom and I used to do it. We would pack "Harold" up and head out. Take the old coleman stove, the kerosene lanterns, food and water and just go. We used the fire we built to toast our bread, used it to make campfire coffee, for burning marshmallows, for popcorn, even for boiling water for general use. We used to either sponge bath, head into the lake or tramp over to the public showers to scrub up. Now everything is in the house trailer...is that fun?

I'm not sure, but I guess I'll find out.

The question is....
who will come back alive!?

Canada Day Weekend

Hope you all have a great Canadian Weekend!!

WOOHOO!!!!

There will be more.

I'm learning new things about myself all the time.

I'm learning to tolerate and appreciate the minds of little people.
I'm learning to tolerate older people but speak my mind without feeling bad about it later.
I'm learning to tolerate Buster and Kiddo when they decide to "act up".
I'm learning to appreciate my OWN time outs.
I'm learning to relax a little under pressure.

That's all within the last week.

I'm learning to see a little more shades of gray but still struggle with the black and white.
I'm learning to stay away from toxic people and not get caught up in their poison.
I'm learning to see a little better in a "dis" functional family and know that mine is not really that bad, or at least is basically the same.

That's all within the last month.

I'm sure there will be more.

Ahhhh, Mondays!

Fast as lightning!

I helped Buster's aunt yesterday. My second job is helping her cater. It was about a 240 seater and all the Ukrainian fixings were on the table. YUM!

There were cabbage rolls, head cheese, three types of salads, buns with cheese inside them and dill sauce spilled over top! There were pickles, fried chicken, and little potatoes with a dill cream sauce ontop as well as baked beet leaves! Man oh Man was it a feast!

As I was standing there at the end of the table a man walked up to me and asked me for....ketchup!

I said "Ketchup?!" My eyebrows were raised and my mouth open. Are you joking? "Ketchup, with what", I asked?

I of course said no! No Ketchup!! WTF?

So I sauntered in to the kitchen and asked the cook....is there any ketchup? In an Ukrainian accent you could hear to the post office was the reply..."Ketchup! Who's putting ketchup on my food!"

That was all I needed. Nope. No Ketchup!

I was also standing there when I heard a woman asking another woman where she was from. The woman replied that she lived in Lloydminster. The other woman asked if she lived on the Alberta side or the Saskatchewan side. Alberta was the reply. And with that there was some verbal exchange and before I knew it, the woman sidled up to me and asked where I was from.

"I live in Vegreville" was my answer....I knew what was coming.
"Oh, I have never seen you there before, are you new?" she asked
"Yes, I am an import.", thinking that I don't even know you what do you care...but I played along.

"Where are you from?" the woman said.
I said, "The Saskatchewan/Manitoba Border."

There was a slight moment of silence...and one word puked out of her mouth..."oh!"

Then she said, "Oh, that's too bad." "Your on the right side now!"

I said, "You know, its attitudes like yours that make me proud to be from Saskatchewan."

She took a quick intake of breath and walked away.

I just smiled.

The Diva and Jann

One of my good friends here in the Border Town is an avid tweeter and she follows Jann Arden. She was on Jann's twitter account and replied to a statement Jann made....they tweeted and Jann asked if she could phone the Diva to chat...be damned! Jann called The Diva and she will be airing on Jann's CBC radio talk show on July 3rd!!

Way to go Diva!!!

This weekend

WOW!

It is busy this weekend!

Kiddo has her birthday party on Friday. I am wondering which of Busters friends will stand us up yet again.
I started a second job by helping Busters Aunt and Uncle out with their catering business. It has been busy!! AND, I have been asked to be on a Theatre Board, which for some strange reason all the meetings are in July! How strange!

I also have to go home to help mother with a few things in the house, which by the way I am not impressed with how things turned out for me on that little renovation adventure my mom just had.

Once again mommy was bailed out by "people who love her" and I am just chopped liver, I who bail her out on a regular basis...am well, I just am her daughter.

My little SUV that I just bought has also been recalled and I now have to take time off work to get it serviced.

Ahhh, so it all starts tonight...which I might add, I may or may not be home by myself...again.

I may have to call upon my old friend Mr. Polar Ice to talk to tonight.

On the bright side, since I started this online workout, I have lost 5 pounds and have toned up considerably...I think I even see and ab poking through!!! WOOHOO!!!

What next!

Dear Buster,
I'm very frustrated this morning. I was frustrated last night already and it spilled over to today.

I don't get to see you for weeks, then the next thing I know is that the family gathering is without me I am ok with that. What I am not ok with is that you know where I am, you know what I am doing and that I am at home waiting for you all . Why can't you pack us both food and have supper with me, rather then me being on my own. If momma told you to jump off the bridge, would you do it? If I told you it was dangerous and not too, would you still listen to her? By the way things are looking, you would listen to her.

Which side you gonna play on?

Don't bring kiddo into this, you know better then that.

Which side you gonna play on?

Why can't you let Kiddo do whatever she needs to do there and you wait?

You want a family unit?

One last time...which side you gonna play on?

Avril's Lyrics

I have always been haunted by the words.

I was driving to work the other day and for the second time in a row, I heard it again.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

The lyrics leave me to tears most times and I never know why. Why did this song have such an effect on me. DUH!

It reminded me of the one person whom I have never known. I will never know this man and as much as I hate him, I also love him and that my friends is my dad.

I'm With You
Songwriters: Christy, Lauren; Spock, Scott; Edwards, Graham; Lavigne, Avril Ramona;I'm standin' on the bridge
I'm waitin' in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night
I'm tryin' to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you
I'm with you
Hmm hmm hmm

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know?
'Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night
I try to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you
I'm with you
Yea yea

Oh, why is everything so confusing?
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yea eee yeah, yea eee yeah
Yea yee yea, yea eee yeah,yeah

It's a damn cold night
Tryin' to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you, yea
I'm with you, yea

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you, yea
I'm with you, yea

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you, oh
I'm with you
I'm with you

I thought that maybe it was the failed marriage that I had, but nope.
I thought it was cuz the family jilted me so bad over grapa's passing, nope, not that either.

On this highway that I travel twice daily, I get alot of thinking done. What has bothered me in the morning from home leaves me when I hit work and what gets to me at work is gone by the time I get home. But this one damn song played twice in a row finally got though my thick skull.

Its about the person I wish would have made the effort to find me. The person who I thought should have given a damn and for all I know maybe he did...aww hell ,what do I know about that.

What I do know is that I am kind of at piece now with this song. It doesn't haunt me so much anymore.

That's a good thing - Martha Stewart.

Didn't know? Language warning!

If I would have known that after about 3 weeks of working non stop and this being my first weekend off, IF I would have known that there would be one fuck of a moody son-of -a- bitch sitting on the deck, waiting to take his, crap out on me....well, then I would have stayed at work. Once again, I am third man out, getting the residue of what ever happened during the day. My three days off and I can tell you this, I will be getting at least one of those days to myself. Will I be getting an apology....not likely....fuck me, I've just had myself another day with Legs! One thing I have learned from that nut case is that, you don't respect me, I can guarantee that I will be giving back to you return! Sigh.

Where are my happy pills?



Hope everyone else has a great weekend!

fffffffreeezing!

I went to work today, I am inside and if you were to see me now, you would see this...

DUHHHH

Ok...I am following me and I can't figure out how to stop.

Must do some reading....

Quite a show

Dispite his personal demons that he is fighting, I had a chance to meet and truly talk with a really fantastic children's writer Robert Munsch. He has written so many books that touch the heart of many people.

He is this little frame of a man with an infectious smile and soft spoken charm. He actually takes the time to talk to you, to look right at you and to speak to you.
I had my books signed by him and when he did so, he noticed the note that my mom put on the inside of one of them and commented to me that I must be more than just a daughter and that he would sign on the page after my moms note. I found that quite touching.

Once this man hit the stage, he transformed into this fascinating storyteller, the kind that puts you in a trance and you just can't look away. He asked all sorts of kids to come up on stage to help him tell his stories. He did two performances back to back and not one story was the same. He was on stage for two hours telling stories about all sorts of things. One story he told to a little girl in a wheelchair and after when she came up to get her books signed he posed for pictures with this little girl and her face, eventhough you knew she was mentally challenged, her face just lit up. It was really cool to see.

If you ever get a chance to see Mr. Robert Munsch....do not hesitate...go.

Speaking of small town...

I actually had this weekend off!! Can you believe it? I had so much to do. I had laudry to wash, floors to sweep and mop. Bedding to be changed, beds to be made, cooking to do, a dog to be brushed, vacuuming, and a Jockey party to attend on the Sunday...which I WAS looking forward to. PLUS, my mom, aunt, cousin and her three kids are coming tomorrow.

Saturday rolled around and the morning was good with getting a few things done, that afternoon there was a slight, but fun change of plans. Kiddo came over and we watched a movie together until her grandparents came back to pick her up. When they showed up, we then went out for supper. The evening I spent watching Letters from Iwo Jima....ho hum! It was nice!

Sunday morning rolled around and because I didn't get a few things done from Saturday, that had to be done, with the intensions that if I got all I needed to do in the house done, I would go to the Jockey Party. The phone rings at 9:30 and its the hostess of the said party, Darlene. Now, I only met this woman one other time and it was for a brief 15 minutes...which was at the last home party that I attended.

The woman asked me if I ws coming to the party...hmmm, ok a check up call, ok, when I told her that I would not be able to make it, she flipped like a switch. What the Hell??

She was rude, interrogating and guilt tripping me....excuse me, if you thought that I was going to attend, you are sadly mistaken...I am not...NOW!

Why can't no, just be no? Why at 39, do I still have to explain to someone, and someone whom I do not know well at all, that I am not attending a function? If you said no to me, then that would be good enough, but to a stranger? Then she told me that her daughter would be right there to pick me up....ummmm....NO. Iwas stunned. I stuttered and stammered, not knowing what to say...

Small town mentallty, I don't know. You don't want my money, fine. You don't need it. The last home party I went to in Veg with the "wives", I was also interrogated, I can see where they women would be interested in my background, but then to start in on Buster's ex wife and him, well, I just ignored them, bought nothing and got outta there! I am guessing because they are unhappy in their home life, don't get out much but to their home parties, and have never left a town of 5800, they can't see the beyond.

All I know is, is that I have been stung twice now by this group and I don't feel like sticking around for more. I will go their family get togethers with Buster and Kiddo, but as a one on one "wives" basis, this chickie, has had enough.

Kinda scary.

The Long Weekend

The Long Weekend was vary trying for me this time. I think its because I recognize so many disfunctions within my family.

Lack of respect for others.
Lack of time management.
Lack of common sense and all round smarts.
Excuses, excuses, excuses, and not to mention procrastination drives me to the point of wanting to strangle someone.

I went down there to get things done. What I got was me and my 70 year old mother hammering, putting up fence, and moving horses. It never changes when I go there. This time however, I told them all that if things truly don't change I won't be back. Threats never seem to go over, so maybe actions will suffice.


I did manage to go out with a girlfriend for steak night on the Friday. It was nice to connect with her and my other girlfriend Madge. They are both childhood friends that I can't wait to see when I go home. We all hook up and are talking like we've all had coffee the day before. Madge and Red are MY girls.

Red is planning to go to Mexico to become a Scuba instructor, helping the tourists get their waterwings on and masks in place. We were talking about getting sucked in to the "town gossip" row. After being away for awhile and then coming back, you can see who the gossips are, who the narrowminded people are and who clicks with others. Its funny to see.

When you mention it to the "townies", they laugh and tell you, you are crazy, but really, they are. They are in their own little world and have no intensions of ever venturing out and beyond.

My cousins husband is one of them. He can't see his anything "outside" his little bubble and if you mention other concepts or ideas, well, let's just say an arguement ensues and quite frankly, I don't have time for his ignorance that he has chosen for himself.

When I was at home, I made sure that all was in place for my doggie to come back with me. After 6 Christmas' with my mom, I was finally able to bring Effie to her new home. I am overjoyed to have her back with me. Its like having your kid being looked after in a foster home. Don't tell me that I don't know what its like cuz I don't have kids. Its the same. Everytime I left the farm without her, I cried. I sent "child" support to mom for her every month, and made sure she had her shots and teeth looked at. It's the same.

Now Effie is back with me and so far, we have walked, played, walked and played some more. I am not a dog person by any stretch. I am a cat lover, but this damn dog took to me like white on rice, like stink on a monkey and she's been with me ever since. She is my baby. She is beautiful and I love her to pieces.

Why is it?

Why is it when someone gets hurt I laugh?

Like when someone bonks their head on something, or catches their foot in the door, or what really just slays me is when I see someone trip.

When I see a tripper, I laugh so hard, I cry. Even now, as I am posting this, I am giggling about watching Buster trip and stub his toe on the chair and go flying into the table....Im killing myself right now! What's wrong with me....wait, I gotta wipe the tears....


It's not like I don't warn people either. If they are doing something potentially dangerous, I will tell them, if you get hurt, I'm gonna laugh...they seem to be ok with it and when it happens, I tell them I told ya so and gut laugh.

Is this bad?

Sitting up

Still have the headache from lack of sleep....

The house was host to a bed & breakfast again last night....

This morning 4am came early.....

I woke up.

Got up.

Showered.

Left the bed & breakfast for the gas station.

Gassed the car.

Drove 1.5 hours to work.

Had breakfast with the G-girl at 6 and then off to work for 6:30...am.

While I was driving in to work, I noticed my posture. Normally while driving, I sit back, one hand on the wheel and the other on the radio dial. I bounce back from the 70's channel to the 80's channel. Volume cranked, singing at the top of my lungs not caring if the passing vehicles see me belting it out.

This particular morning, I was sitting upright, leaning into the steering wheel. Eyes bugged open with the air conditioning blasting louder then the radio. This particular morning I noticed the sky red, and grama's voice popped into my head.

She said: Red sky at night, sailor's delight, red sky in morning, sailor's warning.

Great. Let it rain!

This particular morning was different, felt different. Not because it was bloody early, but it was so calm out. It was peaceful. I looked at the pastures while driving by noticing all the livestock. All the animals lazy, sleeping, grazing. The babies dopey and the water fowl vegging in the sloughs.

I relaxed a little and the rest of the drive was very scenic.

It was nice.

Days off

Its been quite a week...and its only Tuesday. Now if I am correct the week begins on Sunday.

Yes, well let's see here.

Sunday, one of two days off.

Sunday, the day was good, the evening bad...Buster continues to roam the house...sleepwalking. you can't argue with a sleepwalker cuz YOU LOSE! I was fuming Monday morning. They can call you all sorts of names, they can resist you from going back to bed, they can argue with you...knowing full well they won't remember....but I do! Fuming, I go back to bed. Fuming, I lie awake while sleepwalking beauty is now in bed snoring!

Now, the law has been put in place. I am now monitoring all that goes down the gullet after supper and before bedtime. I am now monitoring what verbal events happen before bedtime. This is crazy...sleeping beauty wakes up in the morning fresh as a daisy and I have the sleep deprived headache and two huge bags under my eyes and ZERO smiles in the morning.

Monday rolls around and Kiddo and I hang out together for day number 2. All went really well...until we dropped her off with her "mother"....side note: ANYONE can have a kid....anyone, but only special ones are mothers or special ones are fathers....and I gotta say, I havent run into too many special ones in my lifetime. There is always some hiccup or glitch you see while looking in. Guess that's why I havent dipped into that pool.


A rant: verbal diarreha of the mouth...not to be taken anyway by anyone as offensive, insulting or any thing else. Its just something you gotta get off you chest. It doesnt mean you are mad at the person you are ranting too. Its part of communication.

Tuesday, back at work and the benefit is on tonight for something that I am against. I will be here long enough to see that all volunteers are here, then I am outta here.

Wednesday a huge men`s conference...should be interesting...alot of testosterone.

Things that make ya go Hmmmmm.

Its already May 14th!

What happened?

Did I just wake up?

Where did April and the first part of May go?

This is the last weekend of dance recital! I can't wait.

There is an event going on here next week at my work to help those in need over in Ecuador and Haiti and don't get me wrong I know they need help and I know this is a touchy subject but what about the homeless people on my block? What about the homeless in our Country...hmmmm does the electric/heat bill get paid so there is a roof over everyone's head or do you get a few measely groceries to tie everyone over for another week?

750,000 in Haiti are homeless...How do I know the money that I donate is gonna get there? I know for a fact that when I drop goods off at the local Salvation Army its gonna get to those people/families that are here in my community.

I see that its a good thing to help all the people out over in the other Countries but shouldn't we save our community members first? Why can't more of the celebrities donate their millions? I can only name a handfull that do, there may be more, but I don't hear about it.
Vin Diesel, Will. I . Am, Oprah, Angelina, Rod, Celine, huh, I can't think of anyone else....

I have my own problems deciding which bill to pay first! Heat or food?

(thinking here)

I am a bit overweight from winter storage ( I am an easy keeper)...maybe I will pay for the electric.

Brain song

My Brain Song today is sung by Ralph the Dog.

With dance/music festival this song comes to mind....I hope that someting better comes along.
I have had women waiting for me to clean up after their children. Your kid throws up in the hallway...you clean it!
You can't get here on time for rehearsal....change your clock to run ten minutes ahead of time.
You forget your things back stage and want to go on stage to go cback stage to get your things and its pitch black up there....go around...everyone else has to.
You come and ask us for bobby pins, safety pins and hair spray...think again!

It has been an interesting last few days and we finally went to the calendar for answers...yup. Full moon.

Nuff said.

This weekend Buster came home and I do believe will be home for the next two weeks to seed. I asked him just what all he seeds, his answer can't be written. I laughed and he then replied, Canola - formerly known as rape, Barley - also known as the beer maker and Wheat which everyone needs at the supper table....which reminds me....

Not sure what it is called everywhere else in the world, but the standing debate/joke at the office is that I am redneck....I beg to differ, because I refer to the evening meal, the meal after work , the main meal you eat before bedtime as "supper".

In my world, there is breakfast, brunch, dinner, lunch, supper and snack....then bed.
Being raised ont he farm, where I hung out with my grama, who made the meals for the men winter or summer, spring or fall. There was a schedule you followed...and the above listed is it for me and my family

I always get corrected.

Eventhough, I work with "former" farm kids who are now "citified"....please! (Snort)
They continue to tell me that it is breakfast, morning snack, lunch, snack, dinner and bed.

When I say I am going for dinner, they look at me funny as I walk out the door. Really I would be going for lunch according to them....it all makes me giggle and I continue to argue and yank their chain.

Why? Cuz I can.

I finally got my belated birthday prezzies from Buster....he did good. I think I'll keep him a little while longer. I have been wanting some nice hoop earrings...he came through...he also knows I like sparkly costume jewelry....he came through....

Yup. He is a keeper!

Our first....

Here he is...our first baby this year.

Obie!

His name is Obie for two reasons....
1). This year we are on the "o"s which means we have been breeding horses for 15 plus years. and this is the year of the "O".
2). He is named Obie after my grandfather. Our last name is Obal and when grapa was in the Canadian Army - Drill Sgt....Obie was grapas nickname.

According to Ma Kettle he is pretty sweet and very tame. Can't wait to meet him on May long weekend!




I also got news that three of my beloved horses are not well. This baffles me as they were healthy as horses...if you pardon the pun, when I dropped them off at mom's last fall.

My boy, Bosley has string halt and my other two older mares are down on weight and if they don't pick up soon on the oats, oil and beet pulp, I will have to make some very, very tough decisions. Decisions that I am not ready for yet.

Bosley has been with me since he was two and is now in his late twenties. We have been to many, many horse shows, winning left, right and center. Jeannie has back and hip problems and is in her early twenties. She too, is a show horse. She has taken me to many a championship as well. I broke her as a two year old for a neighbour and after I spent a month with her, he then sold her, I found out to who (now I know why she has back and hip problems) and about 5 years later was able to buy her back and she has been with me ever since. Tuffy is in her early thirties and has been with us for many years. We bought her from the States...Montana, I do believe....she is my mom's trail horse and has given us many a foal and many years of pleasure in the bush and along the creek.

My heart aches thinking about the future deeds. I am heading home May long weekend and with the Equine Massage Therapy under my belt, I am hoping to help them all out. Doing this type of work in the winter is useless. The cold just makes them tense up again and makes things worse. Best just to leave well enough alone til it warms up.

My horses are my best friends. They have helped me overcome sadness. They have brought me hours and hours of enjoyment, happiness and laughter. I trust them with my life. I honestly can't say that about people. Mind you, horses I can read better than anything. People...not so much!

I can't imagine my life without those four legged creatures.

Can't imagine at all.

Mmmmm Bop - Brain song

The other day while I ws driving to work....1.5 hours one way...and I like the drive. I was thinking to myself....as I often do!

I would really like to hear Roger Miller sing Pendulum Swings...I had the urge to flip the station and holy crap! The song was playing.

Yesterday morning, I thought I would try it again. Mmmm Bop of all songs popped into my head and I turned the radio on and I scared myself...it ws playing.

Last night on the ride home, I thought I would get a chuckle and turn to Blue Collar Radio. Ron White would really pick me up. Good grief! He was on the radio talking about Marriage.

Three times it's happened.

The volume hasnt turned up on its own for quite some time now but I thought it was kinda cool how a song pops into mythoughts and be damned if it isn't on playing.

I am gonna try it again tonight when I head home from work...see what happens.

Weird!

Not fitting in

I'm finding new struggles all the time with this "ready made" family that I have just joined.
I knew it wouldn't be easy, but didn't think I would "see" things this fast either.

I'm finding that I am left out alot of times. I don't think its on purpose just not thinking outside the box on their part. Like "Fairy Mae is working until 5 can we get together after that for that coffee?", or watching a movie together in another room while I am in the other. I feel like I am intruding alot of times. I just need to be asked is all. Maybe I should be the one asking?

Need some help here.

I can watch supernanny till I am blue in the face, but it's not the same.

I feel like I can cook the suppers, make the beds and do the laundry but not truly share together time with the three of us afterwards. I am outside looking in.

Maybe it's because I am an only child and don't know how to participate in family time? I don't know what boundaries I should have.

I see that bed time should not be asked with a question but rather said with a statement. "Do you want to go to bed?" What 5 year old in their right mind is gonna say "yes"! Instead of "bedtime in 5 minutes."

I see that when a child is hungry they will tell you rather then you asking them every ten minutes if they are and the answer the same as before..."no".

I see so many things but am scared to say for fear of an arguement. I am no child rearer, but I do see what is wrong and what is right. My mom and grand parents instilled morals and respect into me. I get it. I really do.

I guess what I feel the most that makes me sad is lack of participation or even credit given.

Over Easter when Buster was sick and kiddo and I went to grams and gramps house, when it was time to fill our plates, I knew enough that kids went first. I got Kiddo's plate and went up and she came with, helping and telling me what she wanted and didn't want. It was when Auntie came along to take the plate from ME to fill Kiddo's plate.

Did I look like I didn't know what I was doing? Hell ya, I knew what I was doing! Kiddo knew too! She took my defence...a 5 year old put Auntie in her place. I chuckled under my breath. "I am a mom and its just natural" she said....thanks lady, that makes me feel better! Now I look like an idiot infront of 20 people. Great!

I remember sittting on the couch as a child watching a brood of children fight, play and tease each other while I watched and observed. It fascinated me.

Now when I see this as an adult, it makes me feel left out. It makes me feel like a reject. Like I am not worthy of fitting in to "their" routine. I am only there for chores. Like a maid, a house servant.

I hate it.

I know its only the beginning but, holy moley, it's gotta get better!!!

WTF?

Never assume my friends, in anything.

If you are unsure....ask. That is the best sure fire way to not have someone mad, hurt or disappointed at/in you. There are so many types of communication now a days that there is just no excuse for it anymore. None.

Pretty black and white to me.

Respect one another.